This has been posted a few places around the Internet over the past year, but it was only yesterday that I stumbled across it. Further research determined its source.
It’s from “The Beatrice Arthur Special,” which aired Jan. 19, 1980, on CBS. The clip features Rock Hudson and Bea Arthur singing about how nowadays everybody does drugs, whereas in the good ol’ days, all you needed were cigarettes and alcohol to feel good.
It’s hard to tell whether the song is endorsing drug use or discouraging it, especially since the song’s only real gripe with drugs is that the terminology used to describe them is hard for middle-aged people to grasp.
Regardless of its message, I love this song! It’s from the 1977 Broadway musical “I Love My Wife,” written by Michael Stewart and Cy Coleman. It’s a cleverly written showtune, very much in the fashion of Cole Porter’s “Anything Goes” (both in form and message), with an intricate rhyme scheme and no wasted lines. I don’t know anything about “I Love My Wife,” but this song is awfully fun.
Here are the lyrics, as transcribed from the video clip:
For some it’s grass, for some it’s coke,
For some it’s powder, for some it’s smoke,
Everybody today is turning on!
For some it’s dust, for some it’s weed,
For some it’s acid, for some it’s speed,
Everybody today is turning on!
Time was when if a fella felt depressed
He simply got it off his chest
By callin’ on a preacher,
Talkin’ to his teacher,
Coughin’ up a half a buck to see a double feature!
But now it’s pills, and now it’s pot,
And now it’s poppers, and God-knows-what
Sniff, swig, puff, and your cares are gone!
Everybody today is turning on!
The simple life it must have been
When “smoke” was Luckys and “high” was gin —
One pink lady and how it turned ’em on!
“Junk” was trash, “speed” was swift,
Glue was pasted instead of sniffed,
Coke and aspirin, and wow it turned ’em on!
Those days whenever folks were feeling low
They knew that they could get a glow
And chase away the vapors
Laughing at the capers
That Mutt and Jeff were cuttin’ in the Sunday funny papers!
But now it’s sniff and down it goes
Around your windpipe and up your nose!
Sniff, swig, puff, and your cares are gone!
Everybody today is turning on!
Remember when “high” was up and kicks were tame,
And “amyl nitrate” was some guy’s name,
Holdin’ hands and smoochin’ was turning on!
“Horse” was ride and “roach” was bugs,
“French connections” were foreign plugs —
Jivin’ to Eddie Duchin was turning on!
Those days when if your nerves were kind of shot
Instead of going right to pot
You prayed to hold it steady,
Kept a Bible ready,
Took advice from Rabbi Weiss or Mary Baker Eddy!
But when the world is so much amiss
How can a whiskey beat cannibis?
Sniff, swig, puff, and your cares are temporarily gone!
Everybody today is turning on!
Remember when “hash” was fried and “T” was brewed,
Someone “pushing” was merely rude!
But once a week you cut the grass,
And too much acid just gave you gas!
Sniff, swig, puff, and your cares are temporarily gone!
Everybody today is puffin’
Into fudge look what they’re stuffin’
Hold it, Ma, don’t touch that muffin!
God knows what your grandpa’s snuffin’!
Everybody today is turning on!
