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    <title>Eric D. Snider "Snide Remarks"</title>
    <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide.php</link>
	<pubDate>Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:50:44 UTC</pubDate>
	<lastBuildDate>Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:50:44 UTC</lastBuildDate>
	<language>en-us</language>
    <description>Humor Columns from noted humorist Eric D. Snider</description>
	<copyright>Copyright 2008 Eric D. Snider.  Any reproduction without written permission of Eric D. Snider is strictly prohibited.</copyright>
	<managingEditor>eric@ericdsnider.com (Eric D. Snider)</managingEditor>
	<webMaster>webmaster@ericdsnider.com (Jeff J. Snider)</webMaster>
	    <item>
       <title>The Elephant in the Womb</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-elephant-in-the-womb/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-elephant-in-the-womb/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[We recently had a blessed event at the Oregon Zoo here in Portland, when an Asian elephant named Rose-Tu gave birth to a healthy baby boy. His name is Samudra, which unfortunately perpetuates the stereotype that young mothers tend to give their children stupid names. 

Elephants having babies is a big deal in the zoo world. For one thing, while you lazy human mothers can pop out a baby in nine months, elephants work on it for 22 months. For another thing, breeding elephants in captivity is difficult. Apparently elephants are so big and hideous that even other elephants don't like to have sex with them. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>The Feeling Is Mutual</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-feeling-is-mutual/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-feeling-is-mutual/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[Dear Washington Mutual --

I have been a loyal customer of yours for 10 years, if loyalty is measured only in terms of not abandoning you for another bank. I have often considered doing this, usually when you have treated me with disrespect or apathy, but I've always reminded myself that another bank would probably treat me the same way, so why bother changing? So maybe I'm not a "loyal" customer so much as I'm a "resigned" customer, or a customer who has "given up."

At any rate, I'm writing to you because it seems that you are in desperate straits, and I want to point and laugh at your misfortune the way you have frequently pointed and laughed at mine. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>Oh, Yeah. Canada.</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/oh-yeah-canada/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/oh-yeah-canada/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[My visit to the Toronto International Film Festival two weeks ago was the first time I'd been to Canada. I started to say that it was the first time I'd traveled that far north, but Toronto is actually <em>south</em> of Portland, where I live. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true! Toronto is one of Canada's southernmost cities. You might even say it's Canada's "Deep South," though that is misleading, given the city's dearth of hillbillies. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 22 Sep 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>Your Candidate/My Candidate</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/your-candidatemy-candidate/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/your-candidatemy-candidate/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[Your candidate lacks experience.
My candidate is refreshingly free from the stain of politics.

Your candidate has been part of the Washington system for too long. 
My candidate is blessed by years of political know-how.

Your candidate is a reckless loose cannon.
My candidate is a maverick.]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>The Heat Is Off</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-heat-is-off/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-heat-is-off/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[Labor Day marks the end of the Summer Blockbuster Season, that magical time of year when the nation's multiplexes are stuffed with explosions, comic book characters, and Will Smith saying, "Aw, HELL no!" But before Hollywood puts away its summer toys and starts getting serious for autumn, let's recall the vivid sights and pungent, bat-like smells that overwhelmed our senses during this most recent Summer Blockbuster Season.

Inhuman, mechanical creatures were at the center of many of this summer's films -- the robot in "WALL-E," the cars in "Speed Racer," Kim Cattrall in "Sex and the City" -- but the most popular was "Iron Man," which told the inspiring story of an alcoholic millionaire playboy who reforms himself, and after he reforms himself, he gets the lead role in the movie "Iron Man," which is about a dude who makes weapons. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 01 Sep 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>That&#039;s So PETArded</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/thats-so-petarded/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/thats-so-petarded/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[It's been a while since we last checked in with PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Appetizers), so let's see what the old stone-faced chicken-worshippers are up to, shall we? Put down that veal sandwich and leave your walrus-skin pants at the door! 

First up: When you think of good, lighthearted fun, you naturally think of PETA. A jollier band of merrymakers you've never met! That's why it's very exciting to learn that the organization has expressed interest in buying SeaWorld, with the intention of setting the animals free and hosting virtual-reality exhibits instead! Wheee!]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>Uncle Morning Shift</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/uncle-morning-shift/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/uncle-morning-shift/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[This weekend I took a quick trip back to the ancestral Snider homeland in California for the wedding of one of my many cousins. Much of my immediate family was able to convene for the occasion, which meant a great many more people than usual were crammed into my parents' house. It's a four-bedroom place, but there were 10 of us, so it took some particularly thorny calculus to figure out the sleeping arrangements. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>Bike Curious</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/bike-curious/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/bike-curious/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[There is growing tension between two of America's largest factions: people who drive cars, and people who get in the way of cars by riding bicycles. 

A bicycle is a perfectly legitimate mode of transportation, of course, particularly if you are 8 years old, or Lance Armstrong. The problem is that American roads were designed with automobiles in mind, and cars make up the bulk of road traffic, and cars and bikes don't really interact very well. Cyclists are stuck in this ill-defined netherworld. You're not supposed to ride on the sidewalk, but you're not supposed to be out in the regular traffic lanes, either, except in cases where there's no bike lane, and then you can be out in the regular lanes and the drivers are supposed to treat you as if you were a fellow automobile, except that fellow automobiles accelerate more quickly and don't top out at 15 mph and don't crumple into bloody piles of metal and flesh when you barely tap them with your bumper. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>The Fanboys Respond to &#039;Romeo and Juliet,&#039; 1595</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-fanboys-respond-to-romeo-and-juliet-1595/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-fanboys-respond-to-romeo-and-juliet-1595/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[o my lordz and ladiez i am soooo excited 2 C shakezpear's new play tonite! i totes luv this story! i just hope he don't ruin it!!

i hath my doubts... shakesqueer hath ruined many stories before... i hateth his "comedy of errors" becuz it differeth so much from the ancient Roman plays on which 'tis based... also, shakesqueer is gay.

forsooth, b****es, methinks Romeo & Juliet hath replaced Taming of the Shrew (I mean LAMING of the Shrew) as the vilest concoction mine eyez have beheld upon the london stage... methinks seriously, WTF? ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
    </item>
		    <item>
       <title>I Learned It from Watching You</title>
       <link>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/i-learned-it-from-watching-you/</link>
       <guid>http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/i-learned-it-from-watching-you/</guid>
       <description>
		   <![CDATA[Going to the movies can be very educational. For example, you learn about sociology when you see teenagers pay $9 for tickets only to ignore the film and spend the whole time sending text messages. You learn about physics when you observe how an ordinary cell phone screen appears as bright as the sun when it's lit up in a darkened theater. And you learn about civics when you are arrested for shoving a cell phone down a teenager's throat. ]]>
	   </description>
	   <pubDate>Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
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