Eric D. Snider
Between Barack and a Hard Place
Snide Remarks #579
"Between Barack and a Hard Place"
by Eric D. Snider
Published in EricDSnider.com on April 28, 2008
We need to overhaul the way we elect our presidents. The current system, where the campaigning lasts forever, is awful. I mean, the 2008 presidential race has been going on since 1994, and candidates interested in becoming president in 2016 have to start running now. It's already too late to be considered for 2012.
The problem is that it's too predictable. Since everyone knows there will be an election every four years, politicians anticipate that and start campaigning too far in advance. Could we somehow devise a system where no one knows ahead of time when there's going to be an election? Maybe we should make it so that when a new president is elected, it's for not a set length of time. Maybe once a year he has a performance review, and if his approval rating is above 50 percent he gets to stay another year, but if it's less than 50 percent, he's out. He'd have 30 days to pack up his stuff and take care of any last-minute pardons or invasions, and in the meantime we'd hurry up and elect someone to replace him. You'd have some perpetual candidates always sort of waiting in the wings, but they wouldn't be actively campaigning until it was certain the current commander-in-chief was being ousted. And even then, the campaign would only last a month. I see no flaws whatsoever in this proposal, and I pledge to ignore any flaws that are pointed out to me.
Anything would be better than this never-ending primary season. The current presidential election is already annoying, and we don't even know who the two candidates are yet. Before this year, did anyone even realize how many individual state primaries there were? OK, I guess we probably knew there were 50. But we never had to pay attention to them before! They would just happen in the background, and then the TV news people would finally tell us who the two candidates were, and then in November we would vote for whichever one belonged to the same party we did. It was simple.
This year is different. This year it's coming down to the wire for the Democratic Party. Every single stupid individual state primary matters. And all the rancor between the two Democratic candidates is troubling. Just as some people think that war protests and political dissent in the homeland give comfort to the enemy overseas, I'm afraid the fighting between Clinton and Obama gives comfort to the Republicans. Not that Republicans are the "enemy," of course, except in the sense that I don't want their guy to win. John McCain is probably a decent fellow, and he was funny when he hosted "Saturday Night Live" a few years ago. But he seems too much like the current president, whose name escapes me at the moment, and I don't want someone like that guy. I want somebody different.
On the other hand, I have resigned myself to the fact that the Democrats nearly always find a way to screw up seemingly un-screw-up-able situations. The Republicans are counting on this. They've followed their usual strategy -- they've chosen the oldest, whitest man they can find to be their candidate -- and now they just have to sit back and watch the Democrats somehow snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
As is usually the case in politics, most of the bickering is about dumb stuff. Unfortunately, dumb stuff happens to be what a lot of voters are most interested in. As an example, I cite the Jonesville Church of God in Jonesville, S.C., where the marquee last week had this message:
HUMM
ARE THEY BROTHERS
(On the second line, by the way, that's supposed to say "hmm." The person who put up the marquee thinks, stupidly, that it's spelled "humm." This person probably also thinks that "yeah" is spelled "ya." But all of this is beside the point.)
Idiocy and prejudice are not typically associated with South Carolina (state motto: "You Gonna Finish That Squirrel?"), so this incident garnered a lot of national attention.
WYFF-TV interviewed the pastor, Roger Byrd, who said the sign wasn't meant to be political. It seems unnecessary to point that out; after all, why would anyone think a sign that draws a connection between a major political candidate and a terrorist with political motives was political? That's a bit of a stretch.
Pastor Roger Byrd said:
"It's simply to cause people to realize and to see what possibly could happen if we were to get someone in there [the White House] that does not believe in Jesus Christ."
There's a lot of failure in that sentence, so let's look at it carefully.
1. Don't be coy, Pastor Byrd: What COULD happen if we elected a president who doesn't believe in Jesus Christ? Nearly all of our presidents so far have been Christians, it's true, and most of them have been fine. But it's worth noting that the two most recent presidents, despite being Christians, were also adulterers and/or liars and/or stubborn, intractable megalomaniacs. At this point, could a non-Christian be any worse?
Nonetheless, I realize this is a matter of great importance to many people. Pastor Byrd wants to make sure we elect a Christian president. Fine. That brings us to point #2, which is that...
2. Barack Obama IS a Christian, you pig-ignorant hillbilly!
The TV station asked Pastor Byrd if he thought Obama was a Muslim. Byrd's response was:
"I don't know. See it asks a question: Are they brothers? In other words, is he Muslim? I don't know. He says he's not. I hope he's not. But I don't know."
You see, folks, this is the difference between ignorant and stupid. An ignorant person is simply unaware of the facts. For example, I am ignorant of the inner workings of the gall bladder, or the British Parliament. Stupid takes it a step further. A stupid person, such as Pastor Byrd, is dimwitted, unable to follow simple logical threads, incapable of grasping basic information. A stupid person is not only ignorant, but also lacks the capacity to overcome his ignorance by learning.
Pastor Byrd thinks it's possible that Barack Obama is secretly a Muslim. How does he think Obama has so successfully hidden this fact from people? Does he not think that photographers might have caught him slipping into a mosque now and then, or bowing toward Mecca five times daily? You can secretly be a lot of things, but Muslim is not one of them.
Then there's the question of WHY he would be going to such elaborate lengths to hide his Muslim faith. What's his game plan? If Pastor Byrd weren't dumber than a barrel of batteries and incapable of rational thought, I would assume that this is what he thought was going through Obama's head:
"My plan has almost come to fruition! I will soon win the election, and then, on Inauguration Day, I will peel off this tailored suit to reveal a loose-fitting robe, place a turban upon my head, and laugh maniacally as I announce my plans for America! First on the agenda: fly airplanes into all the nation's skyscrapers! Then I will put a veil on the Statue of Liberty! Then comes the carving of Louis Farrakhan's face into Mount Rushmore! And finally, a public stoning of Hillary Clinton! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
The root of the problem here is that Pastor Byrd is dumb, and dumb people think that the similarity between the names Obama and Osama is significant. He said it himself: "His name is so close to Osama, I have a feeling he might be Islamic." Let's think about this, though. Let's think real hard. Humm. Roger Byrd ... any relation to John William Byrd, executed in 2002 for murdering a convenience store clerk? Are Roger Byrd and the murderer John William Byrd brothers???
What about Leslie Baird, the Utah high school employee who served jail time for having sex with two underage students? Or Janelle Bird, the Florida woman sent to prison for having sex with a student?
What about murderer Robert Franklin Stroud -- aka the Birdman of Alcatraz? Any relation to Roger Byrd?
Pastor Roger Byrd says he's not connected to any of these people. I hope he's not. But I don't know. I'm just asking the question. I think there's a good chance that Pastor Roger Byrd is closely associated with these murderers and statutory rapists. If he happens to read this column -- I'm sorry -- if someone happens to read this column to him, and uses some pictures or simple line drawings to explain the more difficult passages, and if he would then like to come forward with evidence that he is NOT a murderer or rapist, I will be glad to listen -- although, really, saying he's not a murderer or rapist is exactly what you would expect a murderer or rapist to say.
Byrd claimed to be mystified by all the attention his sign got, and even said that his church had voted unanimously to keep the sign up. Then, a day later, after getting a lot of harassment from all over the country, he went ahead and changed it anyway. I can't believe the entire congregation went along with him, though. If that's true, it doesn't speak well of his flock. I mean, what kind of person listens to their pastor say something outrageous and offensive without publicly renouncing him?
This kind of pettiness takes up way too much time. The more we get distracted by idiots like Pastor Byrd, the less time there is to concentrate on the important issues -- things like fixing the economy, ending the war in Iraq, and making fun of how old John McCain is. The man is well into his 90s, and yet you hardly ever hear about it! We're so busy focusing on the Clinton vs. Obama battle that we forget to mention how McCain runs a "Matlock" fan site, or how one summer when he was in college he worked as a roadie for Beethoven, or how if he's elected president he won't give the neighbor kids' baseballs back to them when they hit them onto the White House lawn. The Democrats need to settle their business and get back to the matter at hand: figuring out a way to lose to McCain in November.
This item has 63 comments
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Nate says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:10 amTypo: If he happens to reads this column
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Savvy Veteran says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:28 amAfter seeing the third picture, this classic SNL moment came to my mind (of course):
(Paraphrased to the best of my memory)
Bush: Two years ago, I went on a fishing trip in Arkansas with Baker, Fitzwater, Quayle, myself. We were chased and assaulted by a couple of inbred mountain people. Now I was sworn to secrecy as to those events, but suffice it to say, they felt that Dan Quayle, and I quote, "sure had a purty mouth." If that's the kind of progress Bill Clinton has brought to Arkansas, I don't think we need it in the White House!Oh, good column by the way. Snider. So hot right now. Snider.
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Dave the SLave says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:33 amYou know, "Eric Snider" sounds a lot like "Adolf Hitler", if your mouth is full of marbles and you're shaking your head back and forth really really fast....
Humm....... humm indeed....
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Lane says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:33 amYou've also gotta wonder what Roger Byrd and Robert KKK Byrd have in common.. maybe a few skeletons in the closet.
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ClobberGirl says:
April 28, 2008 at 9:13 amPastor Byrd's problem is (among other things) he's trying too hard. If he wants to use religion to diss the other side he ought to just stick to the classics, like Ecclesiastes 10:2: "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." It's simple, it looks great on a church marquee, it's win.
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Rob T. says:
April 28, 2008 at 11:16 amRoger Byrd's pretty typical. I spent four months in the Jonesville area with a volunteer organization. It's a special kind of county (mostly people left over from when the mills closed twenty years ago), known for its special kind of pastors. One pastor gave a sermon on "What H***l Sounds Like"--he said some miners dug a little too deep one day and ran into Lucifer and all of his fiery imps. The sound of all the weeping & wailing killed the miners, but fortunately one of them had a tape recorder.
The pastor then played the tape (you know, of the sounds that had killed the minors).
*spoilers*
It sounded an awful lot like Van Halen.
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Politics Boy says:
April 28, 2008 at 1:34 pmCome on, Eric! The real story about religion, prejudice, ignornace and stupidity during this political campaign is not some back-water SC congregation, but Obama's anti-America, race baiting, white-hating pastor (oohh..that's a purdy rhyme). After being confronted with Pastor Wright's hate-filled sermons (God D--- the US, US-KKK-of-A, the US Government created and spread AIDS among the black community, etc.), Obama played "ignorant" by saying he wasn't in church those days (or is it pronounced "Igg-Nernt")? Sure, this Pastor Byrd appears to be pretty uninformed, but it is a non-issue unless McCain were one of his paritioners. All things considered, I would rater have my future president associated with Byrd than a devicive hatemonger like Jeremiah Wright.
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Alex Thorne says:
April 28, 2008 at 1:45 pmReally, this seems to be turning into a battle of Taboo's ie; the first Black President or the First Female President, and the matter of which one will be broken first.. Forgetting John McCain for the moment, what is the problem with trying something new?. having kept tabs on the primaries, i would say that i WANT Barack Obama to win, but i feel unfortunately that he wont win simply because he is black. Lets be honest, and i dont mean to offend anybody here, the US still displays remarkable extremes of racism amongst the minority of people, and although its hardly the days of KKK and Martin Luther King Jr, there are still lots of issues that need to be looked at.
This Pastor seems to be a prime example of what i mean. a name on its own does not tell you everything about a persons faith/colour/favourite flavour of Ice Cream. for example, if my name was Bhudda Rum'N'Raisin would you all assume i was a Bhuddist who liked Rum and Raisin Ice Cream? (and yes, i am having lunch as i speak.)
Thanks. now im off for some Frozen Yoghurt.....
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Baguioboy says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:03 pmA system where the executive has to maintain a certain approval rating is known as a parliamentary system, and is used by much of the Western world outside of the US. Elections happen whenever the executive loses the confidence of the parliament.
Snide Remarks: smarter than the Founding Fathers? I don't know...I hope not, but I don't know...
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Christi says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:07 pmYou know, I might be wrong about this, but wasn't there some minor kerfluffle a short while back about Obama and his close relationship with a certain impolitic pastor (that is, someone at least ostensibly related to the Christian faith)? I guess they don't get YouTube down in South Carolina.
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Hayes says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:09 pmEric...stick to what you know --- movies and pop culture. That's where you are the funniest.
Most of the above stuff has played out on The Daily Show or Colbert Report.
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Randy Tayler says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:11 pmI don't know a single person who would refuse to vote for Barack because he's black, or Hillary because she's a shrill harpy. Er, woman.
America is fine with a black president, and I think we can all agree it's because of Commander Benjamin Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine that we've gotten to this point of open-mindedness. That, and Morgan Freeman playing (ironically) a Muslim, the President, and God. He's one big ball of talent, he is. That friendly smile, but coupled with that stern, no-funny-business persona -- man, he'd make a great president.
Morgan Freeman for President! I Want More Morgan!
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Scott says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:13 pmI love how the banner ad that I see atop this article is a "John McCain for President 2008" ad.
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Ben says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:31 pmI miss not-political Eric. Humm.
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MElis says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:33 pm"You can secretly be a lot of things, but Muslim is not one of them" - favorite line of the day
Second favorite-- "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
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John Doe says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:43 pmI did learn something interesting from this primary election: There are far more than 50 elections. You have DC, Guam, Puerto Rico, and other territories of the US get to vote (at least for the Dems). I had no idea this took place until this election. Also, did you know minority districts get more proportional delegates than white districts? Who knew the person with fewer votes got more delegates based on the color of the voter's skin? What will those Dems think of next? Dr. King would be proud.
"Every single stupid individual state primary matters."
Tell that to Howard Dean and the DNC who decided that neither Michigan nor Florida get their votes counted.
The article was funny enough, since I don't like any of the candidates. It is funny that the worst you can say about McCain is that he's old, but since many don't like him because he's a closet liberal, there's not too much for Libs to complain about. I know this is a humor column, but there is a real ad in development that is all about how McCain is just too old to be President, so some of the funny is lost to reality.
It is also interesting that the article makes fun of a little obscure, dumb church when Reverend Wright is all over the news and fits the theme of the article perfectly. Eric compared Falwell to Osama Bin Laden when he said things not half as inflammatory as Rev. Wright, but Wright isn't even hinted at. That would've been a funny article. Of course, I can understand Eric not wanting to be called racist. You can't show pictures of black people with the captions Eric puts up with white people unless you want riots.
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Aaron says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:52 pmThe last paragraph did it for me. Hilarious. I don't mind the politics, as long as Eric remembers to bring the funny.
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Nate says:
April 28, 2008 at 2:54 pmI didn't find this week's article to be all that funny. It was kind of preachy to me. I did enjoy the subtle jab at Obama in this line though:
"I mean, what kind of person listens to their pastor say something outrageous and offensive without publicly renouncing him?"
Classic
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Q says:
April 28, 2008 at 3:22 pmI'm so tired of hearing the "there's still racism in America" excuse for Obama not being able to win the General. I assure you, if he were a competent candidate with views that were not so far out of the mainstream with a large part of the electorate, Hillary would have been history a few months ago.
As #8 mentioned, I don't know a single person who wouldn't vote for Obama because he's black. However, I know a ton of people who are voting for him only because he's black...and even more people who will vote for him only because he's a Democrat.
Voting, for most people, has almost always been about their own prejudices and loyalties, rather than a well-reasoned study of the candidates. It's the way our two-party political system functions.
And really, I understand that crazies like Byrd exist in the backwaters of America, and I know that it's an easy joke to make that Republicans rely on being white and male, but that's not the world I live in. Being white in my world doesn't get me anything, per se. In fact, I've probably been penalized for it more than I've benefited--and I'm not even complaining. Every person still has the ability to set his/her own course and each have their own obstacles to overcome.
Despite our propensity for self-flagellation, those who have traveled extensively will realize that racism is much more prevalent in other countries than in the United States. Except probably for Canada, the UK, parts of northern Europe, Australia (unless you're an Aborigine), and New Zealand (unless you're a Maori), other societies are infinitely more racist than we are. I know that goes against the conventional "wisdom" that America is the source of the world's problems, and I fully expect to be flamed by ignorant headline-readers, but it's true.
There was only one candidate at the outset who would never be elected because of who he was, and it wasn't the woman or the black guy; it was the Mormon.
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Dan Smith says:
April 28, 2008 at 3:24 pm"There's a lot of failure in that sentence" :)
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Turkey says:
April 28, 2008 at 3:51 pmI love that Eric is an equal opportunity offender here. And would a public stoning really be all that bad?
I tried to resist the urge to be a nerd right now, but I can't. If there weren't predictable elections you would have perpetual candidates campaigning perpetually, constantly trying to sway voters' opinions of the current president until his (/her? Pfft, no.) approval rating fell below 50%. I don't care what the CIA's definition is, that's torture right there.
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Jessica says:
April 28, 2008 at 4:22 pmI liked "pig-ignorant hill billy" and "dumb as a barrel of batteries," but I prefer the classic Fog-Horn Legg-Horn, "dumb as a sack of wet mice."
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Nate the Great says:
April 28, 2008 at 4:23 pmNumber 8 said: "America is fine with a black president, and I think we can all agree it's because of Commander Benjamin Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine that we've gotten to this point of open-mindedness. That, and Morgan Freeman playing (ironically) a Muslim, the President, and God."
And don't forget the impact that David Palmer has had on American's perception of black presidents. As long as he leaves Gregory Itzin off of the ticket, I think every American would vote for President Palmer, knowing that we'd be "in good hands."
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Chrystle says:
April 28, 2008 at 4:43 pmSee! This is why Canada is better than the states. Canadian elections last three months, tops. The Prime Minister has five years to call an election, but can call it ANYTIME within those five years. Of course, this system led to the Mulroony era and the Cretien era, but hey, no system's perfect. ;-)
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Eric D. Snider says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:27 pm#16: "It is funny that the worst you can say about McCain is that he's old"
I knew somebody was going to say that! I felt it in my bones. Actually, there are plenty of reasons not to like McCain -- the fact that he's another "bomb first, ask questions later" warmonger, for example -- but his age happens to be the funniest, and I am still interested in "Snide Remarks" being a humor column.
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Holly says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:34 pmOne thing I like about Eric's columns, political or otherwise, is that they mock everyone! Eric seems to be an equal opportunity mocker. It's something the Simpsons does well, too. Everyone is fair game. I don't care if my particular sacred cow is mocked, because chances are he'll be mocking everyone else's cows at some point as well.
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pizzatehface says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:46 pmI can't believe Pastor Byrd's last name is so close to "flipping the BIRD"! How immoral!
Also, Satan's full name has Byrd in it. Satan Byrd Beelzebub-Lucifer the Devil Sr.
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mommy says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:49 pmI love the political articles! Makes me want to write in Alan Keyes.
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pizzatheface says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:50 pmI can't believe Eric's political bend is different than mine! (He must not be funny.)
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John Doe says:
April 28, 2008 at 5:55 pm#25
Oh, I know there are plenty of reasons to hate McCain. I hate him myself, but mostly because he's a RINO. I figured you didn't have much ammo to dislike him because he's pro-amnesty for illegals, a fan of man-made global warming ideas, increased taxes, and more government programs and government control, along with most everything else Obama and Hillary are fans of, just not quite as far left. That, and he hates most republicans and throws them under the bus every chance he gets. And he thinks Hillary would make a fine president.
Didn't think the warmonger was a real issues since an Obama campaign spokesman, Jen Psaki, issued this statement: “John McCain is not a warmonger and should not be described as such.” They said he is not against the war in Iraq like Obama, but he's not a warmonger. Poor wrong Obama. Can't get much right.
Although, I believe you are talented enough to call McCain a warmonger and make it funny. However, emotionally charged issues can be harder to laugh about, so I can see why you would avoid it. Like I said before, there are serious commercials in the works based on the idea that McCain is too old, so I didn't get the funny.
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Laura F says:
April 28, 2008 at 6:23 pmI dislike them all. It's lose-lose-lose. But honestly, I'd rather have Obama or Hillary win, so people can finally STOP TALKING about how we've never had a black or female president yet.
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Huston says:
April 28, 2008 at 6:30 pm"If he happens to read this column -- I'm sorry -- if someone happens to read this column to him, and uses some pictures or simple line drawings to explain the more difficult passages..."
Ouch! That's a harsh burn! Weel played, Eric. Well played.
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Brett says:
April 28, 2008 at 6:59 pm#30
"... a fan of man-made global warming ideas, increased taxes, and more government programs ... and he hates most republicans and throws them under the bus every chance he gets."
You bring these up as if they are bad things.
If global warming isn't real, it's still nice that people are thinking a little more about the environment and wanting to live in a less polluted world. Or should we all just relax, do what we want, and wait until Jesus cleanses the globe with fire?
Increased taxes ... um, if we don't increase taxes how are we going to be able to afford bombing other nations that "deserve" it?
Government programs ... how do you think the people on Tatooine are able to able to make any sort of living as moisture farmers? Or get health care when they suffer laser burn? Or need to call someone about lung damage from Jawa corpse-burning pollution?
And also, it does little good to try and teach people about funny but ... if things that are currently "serious" or that already have exposure are off limits to comedians, writers, etc., then there wouldn't be much material for anyone to riff on. Plus, there are somethings that will always be funny. Making fun of the age of our leaders and celebrities is one of them. See: Elizabeth Taylor and/or Ronald Reagan.
As for ageism not being emotionally charged enough, ask my 72 year-old dad if he thinks McCain is too old and see what happens.
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Kourtney says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:27 pmFunny column, especially the part about Byrd's Byrd-like relatives.
Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that takes the church marquee one step further: "Stop Osama, Obama, and Chelsea's MAMA!" I guess llamas, dramas, and pajamas are out too. Humm, indeed!
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Jennifer says:
April 28, 2008 at 7:55 pm#31, I hate to tell you this, but if Obama or Hillary wins, all ANYONE (well, the media) will be able to talk about is how they're the first black/female president. It will come up in EVERY news story about them.
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Lowdogg says:
April 28, 2008 at 8:18 pmA pretty funny column, but is someone like Byrd too easy a target? Certainly the fat lady missing teeth is. I just don't know how clever it is.
That being said, despite the fact that I will vote for McCain I NEVER get tired of "McCain is old" jokes. I heard some comedian bemoan the fact that McCain took so long to release his economic plan. It was because of how long it takes to write it with a quill pen. Very funny.
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Ben says:
April 28, 2008 at 10:14 pmI still miss not-political Eric. Humm. Humm indeed.
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Craig says:
April 28, 2008 at 10:22 pm#31, I hate to tell you this, but if Obama or Hillary wins, all ANYONE (well, the media) will be able to talk about is how they're the first black/female president. It will come up in EVERY news story about them.
That, and/or people won't shut up about how racist/sexist America is for not electing the other one as candidate. There's your lose-lose scenario.
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Nina says:
April 28, 2008 at 10:40 pmSome states have caucuses, not primaries.
And, after reading the book "Moral Minority" by Brooke Allen, I have to point out that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were not Christians, but Deists. Any time a Founding Father mentions "Providence", it's a hint that he's not talking about a personal God.
But: good column, Eric. I see no flaws in your electoral reforms.
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Jimbo says:
April 28, 2008 at 11:30 pmWho said Washington and Jefferson were Christians?
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momma snider says:
April 29, 2008 at 12:01 amI like Matlock and Morgan Freeman, so I liked this column.
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Kathleen says:
April 29, 2008 at 1:07 amI agree with Randy Tyler. Morgan Freeman for President! He's the best of both worlds! He's a black AND old.
Oh, also "you gonna finish that squirrel?" Genius.
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Emma says:
April 29, 2008 at 1:16 amEric, I know you write about EVERYTHING, but in my opinion, you are your best when writing political satire.
More!
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Leah Jane says:
April 29, 2008 at 2:44 amThat Byrd man isn't very original. I thought Rush Limbaugh first did that "Osama Obama" comparison. If you're going to be a snarky, ill-informed nitwit, at least conjure up an original idea!
The McCain/Matlock joke had me in stitches... I'll never watch a political debate without laughing again, if McCain comes on camera, I'll subconsciously put Grandpa Abe Simpson's head on McCain's body.
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The UnMighty says:
April 29, 2008 at 3:33 amI see major flaws in your proposal for changing the electoral process and I insist that you listen to me and not ignore me as I point them out to you.
1) It wouldn't work.
2) It's just... crazy.
3) I mean really. Come on.
4) It's just so far fetched. and... hey are you ignoring me?! Pay ATTENTION! LISTEN TO ME!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
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Ampersand says:
April 29, 2008 at 4:43 pmIt's ironic that Eric professes to be ignorant of the British Parliamentary system, as the election system he proposes is remarkably similar to the UK system of elections. Or am I just missing some irony here?
Also, I believe that "You gonna finish that squirrel?" is actually the motto of Mike Huckabee's alma mater, Ouachita Baptist University in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. Wow, that was a lot of funny-sounding words to write in one sentence.
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Alaska Boy says:
April 29, 2008 at 5:29 pmWell I liked it. Political humor and/or satire is one of the only things helping me keep my thin grasp on sanity this year. Go, Political Eric! We all know you'll get back to mocking illiterate children's emails soon enough.
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Ben says:
April 29, 2008 at 8:45 pmI think that all those who are saying that they like Eric's political articles because they are unbiased and hate everyone, etc. they are all duping themselves. You can see Eric's views in his articles and it takes the humor away. Sure, there are chuckles here and there, but I think his articles about the everyday mundane humor are more appealing to a wider audience. Sure, I don't agree with Eric on some of his political views (not all), but does that make my wishing for him to stop writing political satire less valid? It's not as funny as his other stuff. Nuff said.
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Chocolatestu says:
April 29, 2008 at 9:04 pmI agree with Ben. All the recent columns seem to be based on politics, and every time I eagerly log on to read the newest and see another political one, I heave a sigh of disappointment. Politics is all I hear about these days, and I'm tired of it, no matter whose point of view it's coming from. There is plenty of political satire out there, so if I wanted to read it I would go find it. But I don't. I come here because I've been reading Eric's stuff for years and it makes me happy. But lately, I've been losing interest. I find myself visiting the site less and less. There are so many things out there to make fun of, things that SO MANY people can relate to. Why keep picking at the scab we call politics?
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Jennifer says:
April 29, 2008 at 10:53 pmTo me, this wasn't a political column. It was a "making fun of stupid people" column. I love making fun of stupid people. Bring on more!
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carolynpepsi says:
April 30, 2008 at 3:35 amVery nice article.
Did anyone see the political documentary this past weekend about President Bush's drug use?
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Argus Skyhawk says:
April 30, 2008 at 3:56 amTo Ben and Chocolatestu: Different strokes for different folks. Some of us find the political Snide Remarks hilarious, and it does not bother me in the slightest that Eric's views come through. I'm sure he would be disappointed if they did not.
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Lowdogg says:
April 30, 2008 at 12:43 pmWhat documentary was that carolynpepsi?
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utahfan says:
April 30, 2008 at 5:26 pmBest Snide Remarks EVER! Loved it.
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Craig says:
April 30, 2008 at 8:41 pm...if McCain comes on camera, I'll subconsciously put Grandpa Abe Simpson's head on McCain's body.
I've been doing that for months now, primarily because Keith Olbermann has compared McCain's statements to that "old man yells at cloud" bit a half dozen times (so far).
For those who don't know what I'm talking about: http://tinyurl.com/onnop
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Jenn says:
May 1, 2008 at 4:30 amRON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT!!!
Okay, not really, but I can't drive 10 miles in Utah County without seeing one of those stupid signs. I'm almost ready to say "Fine, I'll vote for him if you just take down your signs & call off your rabid supporters!!" I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that this election year is going to boil down to the lesser of two evils, & then for the next four years, we're all going to complain about how bad of a job they're doing. Then, in typical American fashion, we will re-elect the same person, & complain for another four years. Thank goodness the presidential term isn't for life, as so many senators & congressmen are!
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Rice says:
May 1, 2008 at 4:35 am"or how one summer when he was in college he worked as a roadie for Beethoven..."
I nearly fell out of my chair at that one...good job, Eric, good job.
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Thoughtful Observer says:
May 1, 2008 at 3:59 pmThe main issue with the whole Osama thing is that, well, in the Muslim world, it's like being named Dave. It's an incredibly common name. When in Egypt we had a guide whose name is Osama, and he was definately pro-America. So even using the name Osama as an example of terrorism is really pointless. And you know, if Obama was related to our guide Osama in Egypt, that would be cool, because he was a really smart guy.
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Fig says:
May 3, 2008 at 2:38 amI love political Eric. Go humm yourself.
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Argus Skyhawk says:
May 7, 2008 at 2:02 amEveryone has misunderstood the sign. Roger Byrd was clearly instructing Obama and Osama to hum the song "Are They Brothers".
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Eric in CO says:
May 12, 2008 at 7:12 pmEric succeeds in having it both ways!
"I can't believe the entire congregation went along with him, though. If that's true, it doesn't speak well of his flock. I mean, what kind of person listens to their pastor say something outrageous and offensive without publicly renouncing him?"
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Humor Police says:
May 12, 2008 at 7:42 pmJust a tip from the humor police:
If you are reading a humor column, and you spot a glaring inconsistency, something that is just so blatantly hypocritical that it lights your shorts on fire, something like ... oh, I don't know ... maybe Eric criticizing Byrd parishioners for allowing his ignorance while TOTALLY ignoring the fact that Obama did the same darn thing with Rev. Wright OMG~! ...
Just stop for a second and wonder if it might be possible that the hypocrisy you are noticing is part of the joke. I'm just sayin'.
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Matt says:
May 16, 2008 at 3:29 pmI loved the irony in the banner add at the top of the column was a "John McCain for president" add "paid for by John McCain". How great is it when someone advertises on a page that rips him a bit. Maybe his "team" should do some better research on where to spend those add dollars.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
Comments & Reaction:
This is two rather political columns in a row (three, if China hosting the Olympics counts as politics), which isn't my normal routine. I was just going to post a blog entry about the church marquee, but as I was writing, it sort of evolved into more of a "Snide Remarks" column. I think the tipping point was when I felt compelled to make up a state motto for South Carolina. Why waste "You Gonna Finish That Squirrel?" on a blog entry? Special thanks to my old pal Smacky for helping me come up with Secret Muslim Obama's presidential to-do list.
WYFF's stories about the sign are here and here. The second one includes a video that was the source of the screen-grabs I used. Watching the video, you'll see that my impersonation of Pastor Byrd in the SnideCast isn't terribly exaggerated.
SnideCast intro: "The Name Game," Shirley Ellis; outro: "Dueling Banjos," Eric Weissberg & Steve Mandel.