Blog
Paris Hilton is a skank, but that’s beside the point.
The Fox network recently aired a bonus episode of "The Simple Life," the show where Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie go from place to place, humiliating others and, if they had any sense of shame, themselves. The promos for this broadcast called it "a...
“Scrubs” hotline
If you watch "Scrubs" (which you should, since it's second only to "Arrested Development" for being the Funniest Show Currently on Television), you know from last week's episode that Turk just changed his cell phone number to 916-CALL-TURK (well, "CA...
Desperate networks
Entertainment Weekly reports that due to the success of "Desperate Housewives," the networks have some 20 prime-time soaps in the works for next year. Then comes a dumb quote from a TV agent that I knew was coming: "When you see 'Housewives' growing ...
‘Desperate’ titles
ABC's big new hit "Desperate Housewives" is an amusing, mildly trashy bit of fluff, somewhere between "The O.C." and "Melrose Place" on the guilt-o-meter. But one of the most delightful things about it for me is something subtle: the episode titles.
...
Angry Letter: women’s hockey; also, new FREE column
Some items of business.
First, despite my having written it 2 1/2 years ago, during the Olympics, a column about women's hockey has received another angry letter. (It got one back when it was first published, too.) If her language is any indicatio...
Electile disfunction
I voted today. My local polling place is the activities room at a retirement center a block and a half from my apartment. The smell of old people and death permeated the place, but it did not overpower the musky scent of democracy in action.
I th...
Angry Letter: ‘White Chicks’
In response to my review of "White Chicks" -- the worst movie of the year -- I received this e-mail:
I thought the movie was very humorous. The jokes were hilaroius and if that didn't catch your attention then the horrible make-up did the trick. Th...
Angry Letters: the ‘Nayme Gaimme’ column (again)
Yeesh, more angry letters about the funny names column.
Five Things a Man Should Not Do After He Is Married
Five Things a Man Should Not Do After He Is Married:
1. Have a bicycle as his primary mode of transportation.
2. Wear tank-tops.
3. Have a soul patch.
4. Play video games more than one hour per day AT THE MOST. (Once a man is 30, married or not...
Angry Letter: ‘Touching Wild Horses’
I don't often receive e-mails criticizing my movie reviews. Oh, there's the occasional "how com you dint like that movie is it cuz ur a retard???," but most of the feedback I get on film reviews is from people who think that because I watched a movie...
WB’s Superstar USA
I am far more entertained by WB's "Superstar USA" than I thought I would be. I was expecting bad singing -- the highlight of each new "American Idol" season -- but I wasn't expecting such comedy from the judges.
Some background on the show, if you...
Random pet peeve
Random pet peeve:
People who think "yeah" is spelled "ya." It is even worse when, in online chatting with these people, I say "yeah" for something, and then they persist in spelling it "ya." Did you not JUST SEE how I spelled it?! Do you think I'M...
The “Angel” finale
First of all, boo on The WB for canceling the show. In this, its fifth season, it was really hitting its stride. The addition of Spike to the cast brought new undead life to the proceedings, and the stories were as interesting and involving as ever. ...
An angry old man re: Buffy
This letter appeared in the May 8 issue of The Salt Lake Tribune. The accompanying photo is the one he's referring to.
The photo published in your May 1 issue, showing Buffy the Vampire Slayer throttling a demon with a piece of barbed wire, was...
Angry Letter: Baptists column
I don't know why, but six years after the fact, someone has responded to a column I wrote about the Baptists holding their convention in Utah. Read it here.
The author of “Footprints in the Sand” comes forward
Someone who claims to have written "Footprints in the Sand" sent me a crazy, crazy e-mail that I've posted for all the world to enjoy. It's at the bottom of the page here. Enjoy!
More trauma at Carl’s Jr.
Back in December, I reported on my local Carl's Jr. and its poorly assembled signage. Well, the same mentally challenged manager has struck again.
Last week, I noted a sign advertising the fact that Carl's Jr. now offers both kinds of Diet Coke: w...
American Idol musings
My thoughts on this week's "American Idol":
No one has ever sounded worse, ever, in all of recorded history, than Crooner Boy sounded last night. I'm hoping the reason Rose Bowl Loser was in the audience so that he could beat him up afterward. (By...
“Cracking Up” vs. “Arrested Development”
I loved the first episode of Fox's new series "Cracking Up," but found each of the next three increasingly less funny. I've given up on it altogether now, and I've told TiVo not to burden me with recordings of it. TiVo takes these directions seriousl...
When I think about you, I touch evil
I am intrigued and entertained by a new show on the USA Network entitled "Touching Evil." Based on a 16-episode British series from the '90s, it is generally about the Organized & Serial Crimes unit of the FBI in the San Francisco Bay Area, but i...
The American Idol finalists
Here's the rundown on this year's "American Idol" finalists.
Amy Adams: She's the one with the krazy pink hair. Like all people with krazy pink hair, she dyed it krazy pink so that people would notice her. Well, it's not working on me. I'm going o...
What a Maroon
It's official: Maroon 5 is now big enough for me to be tired of them.
It's a shame, because I really like the group. If you're not familiar, they're a funky modern-rock/pop band whose album, "Songs About Jane," recently went platinum. Their songs ...
Latter Days and its aftermath
The film "Latter Days" came up a while back on the ol' Eric D. Snider message board, and I said this:
"Well, I don't know that it looks anti-Mormon. Anti-Mormon in the sense that it espouses a lifestyle that runs contrary to LDS teachings, I guess...
Bill McIntosh the plagiarist
A few weeks ago, one of my faithful readers (I mean he's faithful AS a reader; I have no data on whether he's faithful in general, in other matters) posted a notice on my message board indicating that someone had plagiarized a column of mine.
The ...
German nutcake
I seem to have made Jutze, a German I made fun of once a long, long time ago, angry again. Read the column and the accompanying letters (the most recent one at the bottom) here.
Random Oscar thoughts
Random thoughts on the Oscar nominations:
� It's fun that Johnny Depp got nominated for Best Actor, but does he have a snowball's chance in Hades of winning? No sir. That's where the Academy went, "Hee hee, let's nominate Johnny Depp! He was ...
Une Soiree Musical avec Eric D’Snider
ERIC D. SNIDER TO PERFORM MUSIC AND COMEDY SIMULTANEOUSLY
'How is It Done?' Marvel Scientists
Eric D. Snider, the Utah-based writer, critic, humorist, raconteur, bon vivant, man-about-town and unicyclist, will perform "Une Soiree Musical avec E...
Taken on my last New York trip
Sorry, Christina Aguilera. You'll have to do your laundry somewhere else.
The Best and Worst Films of 2003
My summary of the best and worst of the movies of 2003 can be found here, for your reading pleasure.
Over at the message board, the conversation turned to how few of the films most people had seen. I hope that at least in some cases, my praise of ...
Carl’s Jr.’s signage
Whilst at Carl's Jr. in Orem yesterday, we encountered this sign taped to the drive-thru menu. We confiscated it immediately (a duplicate hung at the drive-thru window itself) and took this photograph so you could see for yourself.
I count fou...
Little Drummer Boy
Let us consider the song "Little Drummer Boy," in which a young man is whisked off to see the baby Jesus and told to bring a gift. Being poor, he has no money for a present, so he offers to play his drum for the baby instead, that being his only tale...
Delightful names of dead people
One of my favorite pastimes is skimming the obituaries for hilarious names. This is especially fun in Utah, where the locals have a penchant for coming up with crazy things to call their children, and have for well over a century.
These all appear...
Angry Letter: ‘Blair Witch 2’
I received this e-mail today from a Swiss reader who took issue with my review of "Blair Witch 2: Electric Boogaloo." (How come the foreigners only defend movies that NO ONE liked?) I swear to you, I have not tampered with the e-mail at all: She real...
How Convenient
I have noticed people taking extreme liberties with the word "convenience" lately, and since I fancy myself something of a wordsmith, I thought I should use my influence to smarten up these no-talk-gooders.
At Wal-Mart, I viewed this sign: "For yo...
Angry Letter: ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’
I received an angry e-mail today from a South American reader who took issue with my review of "2 Fast 2 Furious". Here it is:
I'm from Argentina , and your review about "2 fast 2 furious" its like the ones these frustrated directors 've made, who, ...
At the Movies
I have three random movie observations to make today.
First, while viewing "Cold Mountain" at a press screening this morning, I was reminded once again that if a movie character coughs without an obvious reason (he's in a burning building, someone...
Still Lovin’ “24”
Still lovin' "24." It's not as exciting as the first two seasons (especially season 2, which had me urinating in my trousers on almost a weekly basis), but it's still pretty good, particularly as we witness Jack's increasingly bad sense of judgment.
...
You down with OCD?
The other day I cleaned the dickens out of my bathroom. The very dickens, I tell you! It wasn't especially untidy, as I do generally run a tight ship. But it was legitimately in need of a good scouring, top to bottom, and I was suddenly struck with a...
Crazy like a Fox
You know who I like? The Fox network. They've got moxie over there. Maybe it's because they know most people don't take them seriously, and maybe they don't take themselves too seriously. Whatever the reason, they've made excellent programming choice...
Parking Spaces
One of my most irksome pet peeves is when I'm looking for a place to park and discover someone is using his car to straddle the line and thus occupy two spaces. In fact, it bugs me even when I'm not looking for a space, just on principle. What's with...
UVSC theater (and theatrics)
An amusing anecdote:
James Arrington, whom you may know from his "Farley Family" one-man shows, is head of the theater department at Utah Valley State College and occasionally directs there.
When I used to review UVSC productions -- something ...
For the Boys
My newest pet peeve is guys who refer to their friends as their "boys," as in, "Me and my boys were hangin' out at the Dairy Queen." It's the sort of phraseology used often by tools, and I don't like tools. "My boys" is a term that can properly be us...
Cold Case
My favorite new TV show this season is "Cold Case." In general, I like cop shows, and I love solving crimes, both on TV and in my personal life.
In this show, a female lady detective woman in Philadelphia, Lily Rush, investigates old crimes that ...
Jack Bauer: Hero or heroin?
How much do I love "24"? I love it like a heroin addict loves his heroin! Which apparently is quite a lot, as I've learned from watching Jack Bauer struggle with his new addiction the past couple episodes.
I must say I'm slightly disappointed with...
El Zorrero
While browsing an online dictionary of Mexican slang (don't ask), I stumbled across this word: "zorrero." It can be used as an adjective to mean "sly or cunning," as in "¡Que zorrero!," i.e., "What a sly or cunning thing to have done!" But its more ...
Getting Quoted
A movie theater in Portland is quoting me in their ads for a movie I didn't like. But it's OK! first, some background.
The age-old question for people promoting bad movies: How do you find critics' quotes that don't sound negative?
There are qu...
Free Chips
I recently had occasion to eat at Rio Grande in Salt Lake City. It was my second time there, and I can't foresee going back, ever again, even if dragged by strong mechanical pulling devices, or bewitched by some kind of spell.
The service was slo...
Frankenstein
Turner Classic Movies was showing Frankenstein movies on Halloween, so I TiVoed the original, "Frankenstein" (1931), and watched it today. It's one of those essentials of film history that I'd never seen before, so I figured I ought to, if only to he...
Snowing on Halloween
It's snowing in Utah today. I don't recall it snowing on Halloween in all the years I've lived here, which is now the better part of a decade (though I don't know if "better" is really the right word). I'm curious whether it will prevent trick-or-tre...
