Some kids don’t understand the Internet. They see their favorite celebrity’s name mentioned in a movie review, and they think whoever wrote the review knows that celebrity personally. So they write to the reviewer and ask, “Do you have Raven-Symone’s e-mail address?”
This causes the reviewer to post a blog entry making fun of these people — which only makes the problem worse, because now when you Google “Raven-Symone e-mail address,” the reviewer’s site comes up even higher on the search results. This causes more dumb kids to write asking for Raven’s address.
This causes the reviewer to post ANOTHER blog entry, which of course exacerbates the problem even further, Google-wise.
Finally, the reviewer posts a blog entry saying, “Here is Raven-Symone’s e-mail address: symone.raven@gmail.com. By the way, that’s not really her address. I registered it myself; the e-mails come to me. I’m posting it to see if you idiots actually write to it, which I’m sure you will, because you probably are not reading this sentence.”
Post-finally, people reprint that e-mail address all over the Web (without the “it’s not real” disclaimer, of course), and “Raven” gets hundreds and hundreds of e-mails. They are reprinted for you here as:
CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE
Before we get to today’s batch of letters, I want to share an amusing sidenote. Devoted reader Allanna sent me a link to a blog called Notes from the Trenches, written by a mother of seven children. On the occasion of Child #4’s 8th birthday, she wrote an entry praising him for some of his most admirable qualities. Included was this paragraph:
Your love for bad television is unparalleled. You love every show that the Disney channel has ever put on. And no matter how much the rest of us groan when we hear the theme song for the Suite Life of Zach and Cody, or cry when That’s SO Raven begins, you are convinced that we are the ones with no taste. (As a funny aside, for the longest time you thought the name of the show was Fatso Raven. You refused to believe that was not the name. “But it makes more sense, Mom!”)
There you go, Raven, from the mouth of babes: You’re fat.
Now, on with the letters. I have cast my favorite parts in bold type.
* * * * *
Oct. 2, 2006:
dear raven you are so cool I love your show.Are you and chelsea bestfriend?
[No! They are bestfriendforeva.]
* * * * *
Oct. 3, 2006:
Hey Rae!
i really dont know what to say.you probably get a lot of fan mail.so i just want to make it short.well i watch thats so raven,i have watched the cheetah
girls 1 and 2 and i thought they were brilliant,you all are fantastic singers,i took the quiz on the disneychannel site and i was meant to be like you!! Please could you email me back and im not sure if u really are raven because i found this address on the internet. I’d really like to stay in contact with you!!!
Cheetah Out!!from Laura(call me Loz)
p.s.i have been to barcelona and have been some of the places in the strut video in cheetah girls 2!!!awesome!well this wasnt as short message as i thought it would be!=)
* * * * *
Oct. 3, 2006:
hey this is lue a friend of chris, which he says he was your cousin, well anyway just to let you know…i’m your biggest fan..i love your shows..and please i would love to be in you shows…my dream is to be working with you and some of the other disney actors….i’m a good actor, i’ve been acting for almost two years now and planned to be a great actor someday…..well hope to hear from you soon…please write back..thank you so much..
* * * * *
Oct. 8, 2006:
hi raven i luv watchin thats so raven and i thought how comes you never cum online so i thought of emailing you and i hope you message back to me thankyou bye
[Just leave it alone, guys. Just leave it alone.]
* * * * *
Oct. 8, 2006:
hi raven, i hope this is yours, if it is cool, um if this is raven symones adress i am a huge fan. ive always wanted to meet you. i love the cheetah girls! um if this is you then will you be my pen-pal? mom says i need one i am like an only child hope you write back raven?!
thanks for your time
kelsi
[“LIKE an only child”? Hey, either you’re an only child or you’re not…]
* * * * *
Oct. 9, 2006:
hay raven,
how are you doing and i got your email on the internet . Any way whats going on and hows buisness ! you are one of my favorite stars I also like orldando brown and love janet jackson she has wonder-full songs great personaltiy and is really talented just like you I adore the cheetah girls 2 it is off the hook and i sighned up for the cheetah girls sweep stakes when you get this message please email me back an tell me more about it please . any way what are you going to be for hallween i am going to be Cindrellas god mother and next year my friends and i are going to be the cheetahlicous cheetah girls !!!!!!! [Evidently the costumes require a year of planning.] And i am looking foward of being you , you are really beautifull talented and expecitally funny when you play raven baxter on thats so raven , that is my tipe of show I think you are really talented and deserve to be that famous and is it hard being famous i probally think so because your always going every where and having barley any time to rest but when you get the money your glad gracious!!!!!!!!!!! Glad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well later for now
Sincerly,
fanta [last name]
contract me at
[phone number] or
[e-mail address]
or on weekends my cell [phone number]. bye bye
* * * * *
Oct. 10, 2006:
Hello Raven I truely, completely, most definetly LOVE ” U”… and I love the way you act I know every single show so well i can practicaly do the shows over just for you for you. well i have been practicing a little acting my self but nobody knows that but you but i would like people to know, so I was woundering if you can give me A call some time or email me bye love u .!.!.!
[phone number] and ask for Ebony. WOW i can’t belive I am talking to you or might meet you for the first time in my LIFE, BYE.. keep it real girl holla
* * * * *
Oct. 10, 2006:
hay raven how r u? well, i hope you are ok. i reallylove u raven you are the best person to me not counting god please return my message and respond Bye
[The best person except for God? Well, I guess #2 isn’t bad.]
* * * * *
Oct. 14, 2006:
omg raven please say this is u
* * * * *
Oct. 21, 2006:
hey waz up i just wanted to tell u that i was watching ur show and i died lafing u and (in real life) Annelise vander pol were going to alana’s halloween party and u were using potions to have the best costume there, and chelsey’s no meat tag fell in the potion, and u turned into cows……….that so funny! [Maybe you had to be there.]
but any way i am ur number one fan, i have posters of u in my room, my computer desk top is ur picture.i have one of those thats so raven journles,almost everything i have is of u. i am diying to meet u and or annelise vander pol!!!! even before thats so raven was made i used to watch u on the cosbey show! i know ur a very busy girl but im begging u,please rsvp me when ever u get a chance! god bless!
from ur no.1 fan vanessa [last name].
* * * * *
Oct. 29, 2006:
hi raven how long are you going to be acting.
[Could we get a timetable here? We kind of need to make plans.]
* * * * *
Nov. 18, 2006:
i know this is you eric it is not nice to fool people it was also dumb to put it up there then say it is fake so take a hint and stop pretending to be RAVEN SYMONE that is the most low thing you could do then admitt to it YOU LITTLE NASTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[It never ceases to amuse me how many people think that specifically saying I’m NOT Raven-Symone is the same thing as pretending to be her.]
* * * * *
Nov. 18, 2006:
is this raven symone? if thsi is, i think ill die. if this is not, shame on u for being a poser. but if u say this is, tell me somehting only THE REEL raven wud no.
[Well, she would know how to spell, for one thing.]
* * * * *
Nov. 30, 2006:
HI RAVEN SYMONE MY NAME IS COREY [LAST NAME] IAM 9 YEARS OLD I LIVE IN NEWHAMPSHIRE MY SISTER AND I ARE YOUR BIG FANS I WOULD LIKE TO MEET YOU SOME DAY MY PARENTS DONT MIND YOU COMING OVER I HEARD ABOUT YOU ON TV THAT YOU WENT TO A GIRLS HOUSE HER PARENTS DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SEND HER TO COLLIGE I LIVE IN [COMPLETE ADDRESS] PLEASE COME OVER SOMEDAY I LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. COME SOMEDAY LIKE THE SAME DAY WHEN YOU MET THAT GIRL THAT DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GO TO COLLIGE 100% I WANT TO MEET YOU PLEASE EMAIL ME AT [e-mail address]
FROM COREY
PS. CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH
* * * * *
Dec. 1, 2006:
omg Raven this is camila and my friend saron we love u and ur show so much!!!!!!!!
u rock we sing to all of ur cheetah girl songs!!!!
i cant believe its really u!!!
were ur #1 fans !!LOL
u probably hear that a lot but were for realz!!.
Ma girl saron acts just like u:):) bt she dont even try lol!!!
WE LOVE YA!!! PLZ ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* * * * *
Dec. 17, 2006:
Dear Raven,
Are you going to quit your career? I’m Sarah and I live in SC. How did you become a celebrity in the first place? I don’t think the rumors are true about you having a baby. I think it is all just one big lie. Please email me back soon. BYE!
