Movie Reviews
Them (French)
"Them" is a good title for a horror movie. Its vagueness is disconcerting, and in the right context it sounds menacing. Not you or me or us, but “them,†you know? The movie "Them" is known by the slightly less ominous title "Ils" in its native France, but it still fits. In the story of a married couple whose house is beset by invaders late one night, we don't know who "they" are. All we know is what the victims know: that whoever or whatever they are, they have murderous intentions. The couple are Clementine (Olivia Bonamy) and Lucas (Michael Cohen), both French but currently living in a rustic country house outside of Bucharest. At a scant 77 minutes, the film certainly doesn't waste any time, and writer/directors David Moreau and Xavier Palud demonstrate admirable efficiency in the way they create unrelenting dread and tension. The film’s simplicity may prevent it from being labeled a genre classic; repeat viewings surely would not bring out any nuances that were missed the first time. But as a one-time theatrical experience, it should scare the pee out of anyone.
The Ten
It's hard to explain the comedy style of "The Ten," the new film from the people behind such subversive offerings as TV's "The State" and "Stella" and the film "Wet Hot American Summer." It would be easier if everyone had seen all of those things, because then I could just say, "It's like that" and you would know what I meant. It's bizarre, post-modern, surreal, absurd comedy. The humor is both high and low, ranging from subtle satire to juvenile silliness. The film is a collection of comic vignettes, each related to a different one of the Ten Commandments. None of them is straightforward, though: "Thou Shalt Not Steal" is about a woman who steal a ventriloquist's dummy ... because she's fallen in love with him/it. "Thou Shalt Not Covet" has two neighbors getting jealous when each buys a new CAT-scan machine. And so forth. The comedy itself is hit or miss -- mostly hit for me, but humor is incredibly subjective, and this style of humor is particularly prone to the "either you like it or you don't" effect.
Sunshine
"Sunshine" sounds like a loud, dumb disaster flick -- the sun is dying, so we've sent a team of astronauts to re-ignite it with a nuclear bomb! -- but it's actually a dark, thrilling sci-fi adventure, one of the best of the last few years. Directed by Danny Boyle ("28 Days Later," "Trainspotting"), the film is set almost entirely aboard the Icarus II as it heads toward the sun with eight crew members, and while that scenario could make for a dull and claustrophobic story, screenwriter Alex Garland (a Boyle regular) fills it with unpredictable complications and setbacks, each raising the stakes higher and higher. Most movies in which "the fate of the world" is at stake fail to convince us of that. "Sunshine" succeeds.
Rescue Dawn
Maverick German filmmaker Werner Herzog ("Fitzcarraldo," "Grizzly Man") returns to two of his favorite themes -- wilderness and madness -- in "Rescue Dawn," the true story of a U.S. Navy pilot who was shot down over Laos in 1966 and spent six months as a prisoner of war before escaping into the jungle. Christian Bale plays the man, Dieter Dengler, and his transformation over the course of the film -- from backslapping compatriot to desperate, half-mad refugee -- is astonishing. (Also impressive is Steve Zahn as Dieter's fellow P.O.W.) Herzog tells Dieter's story unromantically and without artifice, and yet he's still able to subtly bring out the adventurous elements of the story, the way he would if he were working entirely in the realm of fiction. Even if this story weren't true, it would still be riveting.
Talk to Me
If the second half of "Talk to Me" were as good as the first half, the film would easily be one of the year's best. It starts out breathlessly funny, fast-paced, and energetic before ultimately settling in to a standard biopic formula that's not nearly as compelling. It's the story of Petey Greene, a 1960s-'70s Washington D.C. radio DJ, comedian, and civil-rights activist, played here -- with a surprising gift for comedy -- by Don Cheadle. Petey, an ex-con, becomes the voice of black D.C., causes problems for the radio station owner (Martin Sheen) and his repressed manager (Chiwetel Ejiofor), is uncomfortable with fame, and so forth. The film wallows in biopic moodiness later on, but the first half is effortlessly enjoyable.
I Know Who Killed Me
When some mystery thrillers reveal their secrets at the end, you say, "Aaaahh," in a mix of surprise and satisfaction. When "I Know Who Killed Me" unveils everything, you say, "What? Are you serious? That's stupid."
I have to assume that this was ...
Who’s Your Caddy?
The funny thing about white people, you see, is that they are very different from black people. Yes! It's true! And that's why it's so funny.
That is the premise behind ... well, a lot of movies. But specifically "Who's Your Caddy?," a monstrously...
No End in Sight (documentary)
"No End in Sight" is a calm, scathing documentary about the U.S. presence in Iraq, but it does not focus on whether the war was the "right" thing to do in the first place. Reasonable people can disagree on that point, and while the film does take the...
Moliere (French)
Those who are intimately familiar with the works of Moliere will find the movie "Moliere" particularly rewarding, while the rest of us -- the people who know he wrote French farces in the 1600s but couldn't tell you much more than that -- should find it amusing, clever, and occasionally laugh-out-loud funny. French writer/director Laurent Tirard re-imagines a portion of Moliere's early career, having the playwright (Romain Duris) hired by a wealthy buffoon named Jourdain (Fabrice Luchini) to teach him how to act. The purpose? So Jourdain can perform the one-man play he's written as a means of wooing a beautiful young widow. Fair enough -- except Jourdain already has a perfectly good wife (Laura Morante), who thinks Moliere is a tutor for their daughter and knows nothing of her husband's secret agenda. Why, it all sounds like the setup for ... a French farce! That's part of the movie's charm, suggesting that Moliere's own life resembled the plays he wrote, but it doesn't rely solely on that gimmick. Despite the occasionally farcical situations, the characters emerge as believable figures in this whimsical and lighthearted story.
The Simpsons Movie
It's a grand thing to see "The Simpsons" on the big screen, isn't it? Everyone knows the 18-year-old show show isn't as funny as it used to be, but those of us who still watch it can testify that about every fourth episode is as brilliant as ever.
...
No Reservations
In "No Reservations," Catherine Zeta-Jones plays a cold, rigid chef whose life is turned upside-down when she becomes the caretaker of her newly orphaned young niece (Abigail Breslin). As if that weren't enough, she also must contend with her new assistant chef (Aaron Eckhart), who's as freewheeling and loose as she is buttoned-down and unyielding! What are the odds?! Oy. The film is generically pleasant and completely forgettable, the kind of movie where watching it would have the exact same impact on you as not watching it. It's not particularly funny, not really very interesting, yet not what you'd call "bad," either. This movie inspires no feeling in me whatsoever.
Arctic Tale (documentary)
When I reviewed "Happy Feet" last fall, a few readers expressed dismay that I had failed to warn them of the movie's environmental message. "Boo hoo!" they sobbed, like the big whiny babies they were. "I wanted to see a movie that didn't have any mes...
The Devil Came on Horseback (documentary)
"The Devil Came on Horseback" falls under the category of Horrifying Documentaries That Compel You to Action But That Are Not, Strictly Speaking, Great Movies. (It is an unwieldy category title; we're working on simplifying it.) Directed by Ricki Stern and Anne Sundberg, the duo behind the similarly blood-boiling "Trials of Darryl Hunt," the film is about an ex-Marine named Brian Steidle who went to Sudan in 2004 to help oversee the ceasefire that was supposed to end the civil war. While there, a new problem emerged, as the country's super-poor western region known as Darfur became the target of systematic torture, rape, and murder by squads backed by the central government. Steidle's mission is to let the world know about the genocide, and he's frustrated by the fact that he's only allowed to take pictures of the atrocities, and not shoot the bad guys. The film could use a tighter focus, but geez, when you see a hero like Steidle feeling guilty because he couldn't do more -- even though he's already done more than 99 percent of the world's leaders -- well, it's hard to feel anything but admiration for him and the movie.
Hairspray
From its ridiculously catchy opening number, through its funny but wholesome satire of early-'60s innocence, to its deliriously happy finale, "Hairspray" is as delightful and entertaining a musical as Hollywood has produced in years. It doesn't just ...
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
The two things that teenage boys and underdeveloped grown men are most terrified of are women and homosexuality. "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry" plays on those fears so well that you'd think the movie had been made by actual 15-year-olds.
...
Goya’s Ghosts
I don't know how much of "Goya's Ghosts" is true, or if any of it is. Francisco Goya really was a Spanish painter, obviously, and there really was a Spanish Inquisition (which, contrary to what you may have heard, everyone expected). But was Goya's m...
Live-in Maid (Spanish)
The Spanish title that has been translated "Live-in Maid" is "Cama Adentro," which really means "Bed Inside." The bed in question is a small trundle in the back room of an upscale Buenos Aires apartment, and it is the dwelling place of Dora, who has ...
Captivity
Here's what happened: Roland Joffe made a movie a couple years ago that would best be described as a suspense thriller, albeit not a very suspenseful or thrilling one. It sat around unreleased until Courtney Solomon, kingpin at After Dark Films and t...
Interview
Two jerks fight and make up constantly in "Interview," the cycle repeating itself over and over for 85 minutes before the movie finally decides we've had enough and lets the characters go their separate ways.
I don't know why you'd want to watch ...
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
At a mere two hours and 18 minutes, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is the shortest film in the series -- no small feat, considering the book it's based on is the longest. Subplots have been cut, and some fans will surely be shocked and a...
Joshua
"Joshua" is the offspring of "The Omen," "The Bad Seed," "The Good Son," and all the other goosebumpy thrillers about evil children, and like those movies, it's at least as ludicrous as it is scary. It's the carnival-fun-house kind of entertainment: ...
Introducing the Dwights
Like 78 percent of movies that play at Sundance (where this was known as "Clubland"), "Introducing the Dwights" is about dotty Brits who do wacky things. This time it's Jeannie Dwight (Brenda Blethlyn), an Englishwoman living in Australia, who's an up-and-coming middle-aged comedienne ... except that she's been up-and-coming for 20 years and has yet to make a full-time career out of it. Her older son, Tim (Khan Chittenden), trying to wriggle free of Mom's smothering, starts dating a girl and experiences a sexual awakening (as in 82 percent of all Sundance movies). His mildly retarded younger brother, Mark (Richard Wilson), longs to escape Jeannie's protectiveness, too. Jeannie is bitter over the long-term failure of her career, which she blames on her decision to have children -- and she's a totally selfish beeyotch about it. She's somewhat redeemed in the end, but it's too little too late. In the meantime, despite a few scattered chuckles and some mildly compelling familial drama, there's nothing here that you haven't seen in 93 percent of all other independent films.
License to Wed
"License to Wed" is one of the year's worst comedies, and in a year that has already contained "Norbit" and "Wild Hogs," that's saying something. Its moronic plot is as follows: Boring guy Ben (John Krasinski) and go-getter Sadie (Mandy Moore) want to get married in her family's traditional church, but crazy pastor Frank (Robin Williams) won't let them unless they pass his impossible "marriage preparation" course. The course mostly involves Frank doing everything he can to drive a wedge between the couple, even planting a microphone in their bedroom so he'll know if they've violated his no-sex-before-the-wedding rule. It's one of those movies where a main character is clearly a nuisance and an idiot, yet only the audience and one character -- Ben, in this case -- recognize that. Everyone else thinks Father Frank is great even though his tactics (like having Sadie drive blindfolded while following Ben's instructions, to see how well they "trust each other") are blatantly stupid. How unfunny is it? Well, it's a terrible comedy -- and Robin Williams isn't even the worst thing about it. Contemplate that, and be afraid.
Transformers
What a big, dumb, silly mess "Transformers" is! And how peculiarly enjoyable, in a bloated, overlong kind of way. It's like spending a day at the state fair: a little bit of actual entertainment, a lot of embarrassingly cheesy attempts at entertainme...
Sicko (documentary)
Michael Moore's last two films were based on opinions that many people vehemently opposed: that America has too many guns, and that George W. Bush is a bad president. It didn't matter how persuasive the films might have been, because half the populat...
Evening
The most interesting part of "Evening" happened when the film was cast. The younger version of Meryl Streep's character is played by Streep's real-life daughter, Mamie Gummer, while Natasha Richardson plays daughter to her real-life mother, Vanessa R...
Ratatouille
With the brilliant animated films "Iron Giant" and "The Incredibles" already under his belt, writer-director Brad Bird comes to "Ratatouille" with great expectations heaped upon him. Adding to the pressure is the fact that many people viewed "Cars," ...
Live Free or Die Hard
Oh, John McClane. How we have missed you! America has changed since 1995, when we last saw you. We have been attacked by terrorists. We have turned Internet geekery into a viable career option. And most of all, we have become overly concerned about c...
Broken English
If you're making a comedy about a neurotic New Yorker who's unlucky in love, you can't do much better than Parker Posey for the lead. And if, as in "Broken English," even Posey's comedic gifts can't make the film any better than so-so, then friend, your movie needs help. The first half is actually fairly praiseworthy as a sweet love story, as Posey meets a charming Frenchman who seems to like her, neuroses and all. But then there's a whirlwind trip to Paris, followed by much navel-gazing and philosophizing, and the whole affair becomes mopey (not to mention ripped off from "Before Sunset"). Still, writer/director Zoe Cassavetes maintains a low-key (and low-budget) vibe that's refreshingly simple and good-natured.
Evan Almighty
"Evan Almighty" is a sequel to "Bruce Almighty" in name only, and its tone is completely different, too. The 2003 film was raucous and rowdy and starred monkeyboy Jim Carrey; the new entry is genial and PG-rated and stars Steve Carell, who's as famous for underplayed subtlety as Carrey is for over-the-top clowning. "Bruce" might still be the better movie, if only because "Evan" has been watered down so much -- in an effort to market it as an inoffensive Judeo-Christian religious comedy -- that it's lost a lot of its bite. But it's still often very funny, thanks largely to Carell's performance as Evan Baxter, a newsman-turned-congressman who is called by God (Morgan Freeman) to build an ark in his suburban Virginia neighborhood. The movie never explains why he must also grow long hair and a beard, or dress in a prophet-like robe, or even why all the animals are needed, but its family-togetherness message is positive and not too heavy-handed, and Carell has an excellent support staff (including Wanda Sykes, Jonah Hill, and John Michael Higgins). And there are only about a dozen references to animal poop! So that's progress.
A Mighty Heart
There are a few tactics a filmmaker can use when making a movie whose ending the audience already knows. He can add a fictional element to create suspense, as in "Titanic." He can emphasize the tension among the central characters, as in "Apollo 13."...
You Kill Me
As we learned from Christopher on "The Sopranos," it's hard to be an effective mobster when you're also a fall-down drunk. In the dark comedy "You Kill Me," Frank Falenczyk (Ben Kingsley) learns this the hard way when he's supposed to take out a riva...
1408
"1408" is the first theatrical film in quite a while to be based on a Stephen King horror story, and if its creepy excellence is the indication of a new trend after so many misfires, then I say bring 'em on. If you like "spooky" but not "gross" -- if...
Lady Chatterley (French)
Look, nobody's saying you can't make a three-hour movie if you want to. But here's what we generally expect from an epic-length picture: a story with enough meat to require the extra time, or characters whose personalities benefit from extended scrutiny. Preferably both, actually. "Lady Chatterley," a new French adaptation of D.H. Lawrence's earlier (less smutty) version of his famous novel, has neither. The story is whisper-thin, as a bored aristocrat's wife (Marina Hands) dallies with the gamekeeper (Jean-Louis Coulloc'h), a virile, lower-class man who can give her the satisfaction she can't get from her war-wounded, impotent husband (Hippolyte Girardot). The characters are dynamic enough, with the requisite learning and growing and so forth), but devoting nearly three hours to them isn't any more rewarding than devoting two hours to them would have been. Basically, there's a whole lot of nothing going on here. Director Pascale Ferran (the first woman to adapt this story for the screen) nicely conveys the gradual loosening-up of the adulterous couple's affair; tighter editing would improve the film's overall impact dramatically.
Fido
The premise of "Fido" is so fantastic you almost forgive the shortcomings of the movie itself. It's set in an alternate version of the 1950s, when zombies have risen up from the graves, warred with the living, and eventually been subdued into docilit...
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
As far as "sequels to bad movies that no one wanted to see a sequel to" go, "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" isn't bad. It's a vast improvement over 2005's laughably dim-witted superhero tale, though it still lacks any major high-stakes ex...
Nancy Drew
One of the perks of making a movie like "Nancy Drew," which is essentially a junior version of a Sherlock Holmes or Miss Marple story, is that, since it's the junior version, you don't have to be quite so concerned about the details adding up, or connecting all the dots in the sleuth's detective work. I could sit here and point out the flaws in young Miss Drew's logic, or the highly improbable events that lead her to various clues, but the intended audience -- 12-year-old girls -- will surely delight in their heroine's exploits, and who am I to spoil their fun? The famed teenage detective, played with confidence and panache by Emma Roberts, is living in Los Angeles for a few months, where she becomes intrigued by a mystery surrounding the death of an old Hollywood actress. Some of the modern spins on the character (who originated in the 1930s) are hilarious, as when Nancy performs an emergency tracheotomy on a choking victim. But the film has a wry, buoyant sense of humor, and so you get the feeling that odd touches like that are intentionally funny.
Eagle vs Shark
"Eagle vs Shark" really, really wants to be the New Zealand "Napoleon Dynamite." I mean REALLY. If "ND" were told from the point of view of Deb instead of Napoleon, and if everyone had Kiwi accents -- and if you removed the filmmakers' affection for their characters completely -- you'd have "Eagle vs Shark." The girl is Lily (Loren Horsley), a socially inept, crooked-mouthed 20-something with a crush on Jarrod (Jemaine Clement), a fellow loser who fancies himself a skilled martial artist and has been preparing to return to his hometown and beat up his former high school bully. Lily and Jarrod embark on an odd relationship in which he's a jerk and she accepts it, while every single character speaks with that dry lack of enthusiasm that characterized You-Know-Which-Movie. The difference is that "ND" was genuinely quirky and seemed to like its characters; "Eagle vs Shark" is self-consciously odd and only wants to hold up its protagonists as nerdy objects of derision. There's no compassion here, and not many laughs, either.
Hostel Part II
If you enjoyed "Hostel," last year's torture-porn hit from Eli Roth, then one school of thought says you're bound to enjoy "Hostel Part II," because it's almost exactly the same movie. Another school of thought, however, doesn't like sequels that are...
Surf’s Up
There isn't much to "Surf's Up" beyond a basic "winning isn't everything" message, but this film from former Disney artists Ash Brannon and Chris Buck is too beautifully animated to be dismissed. The premise is a first for a feature-length cartoon: It's a faux documentary, following an Antarctic teenage penguin named Cody (Shia LaBeouf) as he travels to a sunny island for a worldwide surfing competition for flightless birds. He's tutored and taught important life lessons by an Obi-Wan figure (Jeff Bridges) while developing a crush on a lifeguard (Zooey Deschanel) and entertaining a goofy sidekick (Jon Heder) -- pretty standard stuff, except for the documentary angle, which is handled with impressive attention to detail. (They even remembered to show drops of water splashed on the camera lens during aquatic scenes.) The visuals are generally stunning, with beautiful tropical colors and astonishingly realistic surfing action, and the humor, if occasionally a bit naughty, is as easy-going as a luau. It's certainly not one for the ages, but it's a pleasant and amusing enough way to spend a "Shrek"-free afternoon.
La Vie En Rose (French)
After so many other biopics about drug-addicted popular singers, it is refreshing to see "La Vie en Rose." It follows the same template as all the others but produces better-than-usual results, thanks to a shattering central performance.
It's the ...
Ocean’s Thirteen
The "Ocean's" movies are getting sillier and sillier, with plots that rely increasingly on impossible technology and stunning coincidences to function. Yet in "Ocean's Thirteen," it's more apparent than ever that Soderbergh, Clooney, and company don't care -- and that sense of gleeful nonchalance is contagious. The caper this time around has the crew seeking revenge against swindling casino owner Willie Bank (Al Pacino). The plan? To rig all the games in his casino on opening night so that the house loses and all the players go home rich. A swell idea! Impossible, sure, but swell! Watching all the famous people having fun on the big screen is a hoot, as always, and the film maintains the same retro-jazzy, carefree tone of the previous installments. It makes me want to go out and plan a heist, just for the fun of it!
Knocked Up
One of the most impressive things about "Knocked Up" -- an impressively funny and bawdy comedy from the man behind "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" -- is that it's basically just another "men and women are different" premise, yet it lays out both sides reali...
Mr. Brooks
"Mr. Brooks" is a chewy morsel of psycho-killer intrigue that's as unpredictable as Kevin Costner's career choices. Brooks (Costner) is a respected businessman by day, serial killer by night, egged on by his alter ego/imaginary partner/Mr. Hyde figure, Marshall (William Hurt). An unhinged loner (Dane Cook) has photos of Brooks committing his latest misdeeds, and he blackmails him into taking him for a ride-along on his next adventure, to show him the ropes. Meanwhile, a cop (Demi Moore) is closing in on him, while a previously arrested killer who has now escaped from prison closes in on her. There are too many unnecessary subplots and tangents, and some of the movie's scenarios are a bit ludicrous. But it's almost always fun to watch crazy people act crazy, and even the flick's most absurd ideas are tantalizingly creative and sinister, enough to make you want to see them through rather than scoff and turn away.
Gracie
Drippy, faux-inspirational sports drama set in 1978 about a 15-year-old girl who wants to play soccer. Trouble is, that sort of thing is unheard of in 1978 (weird to consider nowadays, but true then), so she must prove herself good enough to try out for the boys' team at her high school. About one-half of all the lines of dialogue in the film mention the fact that Gracie is a girl, which gets old before long, and there are several instances of characters changing their minds randomly. The movie was obviously a labor of love for those involved, and it's harmless enough. It's just not particularly elegant or well-crafted, or even inspiring, to be worth seeking out.
Day Watch (Russian)
Timur Bekmambetov's "Night Watch" movies seem to wear their frenetic style and near-incomprehensibility as a badge of honor. Fans of the Russian dark-fantasy films -- about vampires and other supernatural creatures living among us -- take delight in ...
Crazy Love (documentary)
"Crazy Love" is a riveting and surprising documentary about two New Yorkers, Burt Pugach and Linda Riss, who met and fell in love in the 1950s, and the turbulence their relationship has endured since then. It's bizarre and outrageous, and the whole story -- with Shakespearean levels of betrayal, madness, and jealousy -- is 100 percent true. You'll enjoy it best without knowing any more details than that. You will think these people are not right in the head, and their love for one another defies all reason. But then again, doesn't all love defy reason? Isn't its irrationality part of what makes it true love? If the crazy kids are happy, then hey, who are we to judge? A more entertaining and conversation-sparking documentary I have not seen all year.
Steel City
The Lees are a family in crisis in Brian Jun's "Steel City." Carl Lee (John Heard) is in jail for his role in a fatal traffic accident, but the disintegration began some 15 years ago, when he walked out on his wife and two sons. Now he must do what h...
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Against all odds, and despite being the longest film in the series, "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" is probably also the best. It's less chaotic and exhausting than "Dead Man's Chest," more emotionally engaging than "Curse of the Black Pea...
Bug
"Bug" isn't a horror film, nor is it a straight-up psychological thriller. It dwells instead in the twitchy, uncomfortable realm between those styles, with elements of a weird love story thrown in for good measure. Does it work? Yes, in a way. It's h...
Paprika (Japanese)
"Paprika" begins with a disorienting, action-packed dream sequence, and as an audience member, you'd be wise to get used to the feeling of not knowing what's going on. One of the trippier animated films to come out of Japan in recent years, "Paprika" is an intensely weird piece of adult science-fiction about a device called the DC Mini that can track and record people's dreams. It's being tested for use in psychotherapy when it's stolen -- meaning the thief can control anyone connected to it, forcing dreams into their conscious minds even when they're awake, leading to dangerous and deadly behavior. A group of doctors, including one with an alter ego named Paprika who exists in the dream world, sets out to find the thief and stop him before everyone's dreams become reality and turn the world into a nightmare. Or something. Honestly, I'm baffled by a lot of the film, yet the gleefully bizarre dream sequences and general oddness make it a fun ride. Some have suggested that taking drugs first would enhance the experience, but really, I don't see how hallucinogens could make the movie any weirder than it is.
Angel-A (French)
In "Angel-A," Andre (Jamel Debbouze) is an American in Paris. That might sound romantic, but Andre spends most of his time being beaten up. He was born in Morocco and is now a U.S. citizen; neither nationality makes him very popular in France. He is ...
The Golden Door (Italian)
Interesting that in its native Italy, "The Golden Door" is called "Nuovomondo," or "New World" -- and the film is reminiscent of the works of Terrence Malick, whose most recent film was called "The New World." Coincidence?? Well, yes. But Emanuele Crialese's "The Golden Door," the story of an Italian family emigrating to America circa 1900, does often feel like a Malick film, with its long, contemplative silences and the way it completely immerses us in the images and sounds of its world: the arduous, creaky journey, and the tedious testing, prodding, and scrubbing that immigrants undergo before being granted even temporary citizenship. Then, at the opposite end of the realism spectrum, we're treated to surreal images like a river of milk on which floats a canoe-sized carrot -- fantasies about the wealth and opportunity that await the refugees in America. The story itself is simple, but the characters -- a widowed father, his ancient mother, his two teenage sons -- are portrayed naturally and without affectation. Only a subplot in which an English woman wants to marry the widower to help with her own citizenship process feels forced and unnecessary. The rest is beautiful, even haunting.
Even Money
The purpose of "Even Money" is to tell us this: Gambling Is Bad. You people out there who are gambling, you better cut it out. CUT IT OUT, I SAID!!
Now, I like being lectured to in a somber, heavy-handed manner as much as the next guy. That's usua...
Shrek the Third
The cast of characters continues to expand in "Shrek the Third," the latest rowdy adventure in the ever-amusing fairy-tale-spoof series. A petulant young King Arthur and a baffled old Merlin are among the new arrivals, while princesses such as Snow W...
The Last Time
I sure miss Michael Keaton. While he can elevate bad material like "Herbie: Fully Loaded" and "First Daughter," what he really needs to do is find some GOOD material to work on. Crap like "The Last Time," a melodramatic disaster about salesmen, is a ...
Once
A musical for the modern age, "Once" is a lovely bit of Irish pleasantness in which two wandering young souls come together and make beautiful music together. The tunes tend to be of the shoe-gazing indie-folk variety, and the cinematography is natur...
28 Weeks Later
The apocalyptic zombie flick "28 Days Later" was open-ended, and its sequel feels like the next logical chapter in the story. It's "28 Weeks Later" now, the virus that turned the people of England into frenzied killing machines has been contained, and London has begun to be rebuilt. But you know that's not gonna last -- and sure enough, there is a new outbreak in what is already a ruined, ghostly city, now with U.S. troops there to hinder ... er, help. Not content, as many sequels are, to merely rehash the plot of its predecessor, this film finds strength in its disquieting details: the creepy way the virus reappears, the cowardice that sometimes emerges in a crisis, the horrifying things that can go wrong when a government tries to control something it doesn't understand. Spanish director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, making his English-language debut, packs the film with adrenaline, adventure, and sheer wide-eyed terror. He more than compensates for the anti-climactic ending and the minor plot holes by keeping the action grim, scary, and claustrophobic.
The Ex
Zach Braff, Jason Bateman, and Amanda Peet are all stars of highly praised but little watched TV shows: "Scrubs," "Arrested Development," and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," respectively. They do their darnedest to make "The Ex" work, and in the pro...
Georgia Rule
Jane Fonda stopped acting for 15 years. She returned from her hiatus to make "Monster-in-Law," and has now followed that up with "Georgia Rule." Evidently the plan for her golden years is to make bad movies exclusively.
She's off to a great start...
Delta Farce
I fear Larry the Cable Guy might be going all intellectual on us. His new film, "Delta Farce," only has one fart joke in it. Doesn't he know his fanbase would rather hear what comes out of his butt than what comes out of his mouth?
"Delta Farce" ...
Spider-Man 3
As an ardent admirer of the first two "Spider-Man" films, it brings me no pleasure to say that Part 3 is not great. It's OK, and it seems to have been made uncynically (i.e., not just as a money-maker), but it's not nearly as thrilling, funny, or emo...
Lucky You
"Lucky You" is one of those hollow, false-sounding movies that's full of pithy observations that are meant to sound wise, all centered around a particular theme. In this case, it's poker, so everyone uses poker language to express deeper thoughts about Life in General. You have to know when it's time to fold, and sometimes you have trust your gut and go all-in, and everyone has a "tell" that gives away what they're thinking, and so on. Writer/director Curtis Hanson handles it tritely, with stock characters and generic dialogue, and he manages to take a boring subject -- watching other people play cards -- and make it even more boring. Eric Bana plays a professional gambler, Robert Duvall is his estranged father, and Drew Barrymore is his new love interest. Despite being full of platitudes and aphorisms and neat, tidy dialogue that sounds like it's summing up the themes, it's STILL not clear what the movie's point is. To employ one of the poker metaphors Hanson is so fond of, "Lucky You" acts like it's holding a straight flush when all it really has is maybe a pair of threes.
Paris, Je T’aime (French)
Even for someone such as myself who has never been to the City of Light, "Paris, Je T'aime" is a masterful achievement, both as a film and as a heartfelt love letter to one of the world's most romantic cities.
The two-hour film consists of 18 bri...
Waitress
There was significant buzz around "Waitress" when it played at Sundance in January. Its writer and director, Adrienne Shelly, had been murdered two months earlier, and some of us wondered if the film was being picked up for distribution simply becaus...
The Invisible
Though it was marketed as a thriller, "The Invisible" is actually a supernatural teen drama, about a brooding high school student named Nick (Justin Chatwin) who is attacked and apparently killed, whereupon his spirit wanders the city, trying to alert investigators to the identity of his killer. The film plays the teen-angst elements for all they're worth, filling the soundtrack with guitar-laden emo anthems and positioning Nick and his attacker as forlorn, misunderstood anti-heores. The screenplay suffers from certain deficiencies (an over-reliance on coincidences; some extraneous subplots), but it's not bad as far as teen-crisis dramas go. It straddles the line between appealing to young audiences and flat-out pandering to them, and it only occasionally falls onto the wrong side of that line.
Next
Hollywood's track record in adapting Philip K. Dick's science-fiction stories is spotty at best, but one thing holds true: The ideas are always nifty. "Next," based on Dick's "The Golden Man," is the latest adaptation, and while it's no "Minority Rep...
The Condemned
It's probably possible to update "The Most Dangerous Game" for the Internet Age in a tasteful way, but "The Condemned" chooses not to try. It goes the brutal route instead, putting 10 death-row convicts on an island and making them kill each other until only one remains. The modern twist is that the events are being webcast in real time throughout the world, the brainchild of a cynical entrepreneur who plans to make millions from the scheme. The film is a star vehicle for professional wrestler Steve Austin, who plays one of the convicts (wrongfully imprisoned, of course, and not a psycho). Austin is a droll, even intelligent figure, with a deadpan delivery that's often funnier and more engaging than the trashy film deserves. It's unpleasant and savage, and then has the nerve to scold viewers who enjoy gratuitous violence. So we shouldn't watch stuff like, say, "The Condemned"? Fine with me.
Kickin’ It Old Skool
"Kickin' It Old Skool" is an excruciatingly lazy and unfunny film, but it didn't have to be. It's about a 12-year-old boy who goes into a coma in 1986 and wakes up 20 years later, still mired in '80s pop culture and out of place in 21st-century society as he tries to use breakdancing to win a dance contest. That's not a bad comedy premise. Unfortunately, "Kickin' It" stars Jamie Kennedy as the man in question, and Kennedy shuffles through the film slack-jawed and dead-eyed, apparently believing he is one of those performers whose every move is funny, who can keep an audience in stitches simply by falling down or looking confused. He is mistaken. The film shows waaaaaay too much of the dance tournament, includes too many urine, fart, and vomit jokes, and has bizarre cameos from '80s celebrities that don't make any sense, even in the surreal world of the movie.
Zoo (documentary)
"Zoo" is one of the more interesting failures to come out of the Sundance Film Festival this year. It's a documentary on a highly unusual topic, and that topic is explored in an unusual way -- to the detriment of the film, which would be of more inte...
Vacancy
It is not wise to expect much from a film about a married couple who are forced to stay in a creepy, dilapidated motel after their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Yet "Vacancy" uses the simplicity of that premise to its advantage, reducing the story to its purest elements and using them to scare the poop out of us. Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale are the couple, and in their room they find videotapes depicting previous guests being murdered in that very room. Now they must evade the blank-masked killers who beset them, lest they be the next unwilling snuff-movie stars. Hungarian director Nimrod Antal (yes, Nimrod) is energetic but restrained, letting the situations create dread and anxiety on their own without resorting to fast-paced editing or other gimmicks. The ending is a little weak, but the film gets the ol' heart a-pounding anyway.
Fracture
"Fracture" isn't a whodunit, or even a howdunit. We know Ted Crawford (Anthony Hopkins) shot his wife in the head and put her into a coma. We saw him do it. The central mystery is: What happened to the gun? Ted never left his house after the shooting, yet the gun the cops took from him when they showed up has never been fired before. He must have used a different one -- so where is it now? This tantalizing mystery is eventually solved in a manner clever enough to make Agatha Christie smile, but in the meantime, our focus is on Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling), the cocky hotshot deputy district attorney whose open-and-shut case -- confession, murder weapon, etc. -- is fast becoming a big headache instead. Ted plays cat-and-mouse with the young fellow, and Hopkins has seldom been as fiendishly playful as he is here. The film could be leaner (it doesn't need Rosamund Pike as Willy's potential new boss at a cushy corporate-law office), but overall it's a fun, nifty little legal thriller with a few tricks up its sleeve.
In the Land of Women
Jon Kasdan is the son of Lawrence Kasdan, who is something like Hollywood royalty. He wrote and directed "The Big Chill," "The Accidental Tourist," and "Grand Canyon," among others, and wrote the screenplays for "The Empire Strikes Back," "Return of ...
Stephanie Daley
"Stephanie Daley" opens in confusion. A woozy teenage girl is put into an ambulance. Reporters swarm around a courthouse. Snippets of dialogue -- "where's the baby?" and "tried as an adult" -- are identifiable. Something huge has happened in this qui...
Hot Fuzz
The clever Brits who merrily deconstructed zombie movie with "Shaun of the Dead" have now applied their considerable talents to "Hot Fuzz," a loving and faithful comic homage to the Buddy-Cop Action Flick. Can I put in a request now for these guys to...
Redline
Do you love cars? I mean, do you love them so much that you could watch 95 minutes of footage of cars driving fast and occasionally colliding with things? Really? You could? Huh. Well, I guess you should go see "Redline," then, because it has a lot o...
Disturbia
If Alfred Hitchcock were alive today, and if he wanted to remake one of his own films for an MTV audience, and if he wanted it to be kind of suspenseful but mostly silly ... well, he still wouldn't make "Disturbia," but you see where I'm going with t...
Perfect Stranger
Why would you call your film "Perfect Stranger" if you didn't want people making jokes about Balki and Cousin Larry? What's next? "Growing Pain"? "Family Tie"? Any of those would probably be better (though not funnier) than the deadly serious thriller "Perfect Stranger," starring Halle Berry as Rowena, an investigative reporter who thinks a philandering advertising tycoon named Harrison Hill (Bruce Willis) may have killed her friend. To get more dirt, she takes a job as a temp at Hill's agency, cozying up to him so her tech-savvy colleague Miles (Giovanni Ribisi) -- who has a secret crush on Rowena -- can pry into Hill's e-mail accounts and look for clues. Directed by James Foley ("Glengarry Glen Ross," "The Chamber"), the film wants to be "Basic Instinct," but it has neither the trashiness nor the boldness to come even close. Most of its thrills are on the order of "Will the JPG get e-mailed in time?" and "Can Rowena juggle several different IM conversations at once?," resulting in a film that's polished and smooth without ever being interesting. And the finale? As Balki would say, don't be ree-dee-culous.
Pathfinder
Has there ever been a good movie about Vikings? Or a good movie set circa 1000 A.D.? I'm hard-pressed to think of any. I guess that period wasn't called the Dark Ages for nothing. This latest laugh-out-loud disaster is "Pathfinder," a remake of a 1987 Norwegian film that's been transferred to America and rendered hysterically bad by music-video director Marcus Nispel. This is pure cheesy spectacle, as bad as anything you'd find on "Mystery Science Theater 3000," and with plenty of absurd dialogue for the hecklers to ridicule. It's about a little Viking boy who's left behind by his people, raised by Native Americans, and then compelled to do battle against his natural kin when a new crew of Vikings returns to slaughter more Indians. Part "Rambo," part "Apocalypto," the film is laden with wooden acting, bad dialogue, and casual graphic violence. It is a film to be laughed at, if it is to be watched at all.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
One of the pillars of Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" programming is "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," an odd animated series about an order of fries, a milkshake, and a meatball who are friends and share a house in New Jersey -- an idea that can only have been conceived with the aid of marijuana. As 10-minute episodes, the charmingly low-budget cartoon is full of goofy hipster laughs; predictably, it is exhausting and tiresome when stretched into an 80-minute movie. The opening sequence -- a parody of the old "let's go out to the lobby and buy a snack" promotions -- is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, but it's downhill from there. The convoluted story is nothing more than a series of random weirdness and non-sequitur dialogue, all thrown out in the hopes we'll laugh because it's bizarre rather than because it's funny. Which it isn't.
Slow Burn
"The Usual Suspects" had Keyser Soze, the fearsome criminal whom no one had ever seen. "Slow Burn" has Danny Lewton, a gang lord who has become a multimillionaire by funneling his illegal activities through shell corporations, and whose face is unkno...
Year of the Dog
As a writer, Mike White has created ironic, above-it-all comedies like "Chuck & Buck," "School of Rock," and "Nacho Libre" (which he co-wrote), all films whose protagonists are unusual and isolated in some way -- losers, even, except that we like them. In "Year of the Dog," he's directing for the first time, and he brings that sense of detachment with him. It's the story of Peggy (Molly Shannon, showing surprising range), a single, 40-ish woman whose best relationships are with animals. When her beloved beagle dies, she goes into a tailspin and becomes a vegan, an activist, and a Crazy Dog Lady. The point? Do whatever makes you happy, whether it's "normal" or not. Supporting players like John C. Reilly, Laura Dern, and Regina King steal scenes here and there, and Shannon can be very funny when she keeps it subtle. The only problem is White's directorial style, which keeps us at arm's length from the characters. The result is a movie that can make you laugh without making you feel anything ... except maybe a little weariness for self-consciously quirky movies about unusual loners.
Grindhouse
As an exercise in aging-movie-geek nostalgia, "Grindhouse" is a bloody good time. It's an homage to the theaters of the 1960s and '70s that would show double features or marathons of schlocky, exploitative films -- kung fu flicks, blaxploitation, zom...
The Hoax
It's a shame we don't still live in the days of Howard Hughes, the reclusive, obsessive-compulsive billionaire who once fascinated America with his bizarre behavior. No one really captures our attention in quite the same way for quite the same reason...
The TV Set
"The TV Set" is a black, sad, hilarious industry satire in which a good-natured writer (David Duchovny) must watch as his smart script for a new series is rendered bland and stupid by network executives, focus groups, and a lowest-common-denominator mentality. Sigourney Weaver -- where have you been? -- plays the married-to-her-job network president who runs everything past her 14-year-old daughter before making any decisions; Ioan Gruffudd plays a new programming director from England, still getting used to the Hollywood way of doing things; and Judy Greer is the writer's perky manager, who sugarcoats bad news in an amusingly L.A. kind of way. ("They love it! They have some concerns, but they love it!" And the concerns are that they want to change the title, the lead actor, and the premise.) The film, written and directed by Jake Kasdan (who worked on TV's "Freaks and Geeks"), is therapy for actors and writers. And other people's therapy is almost always fun to watch.
The Reaping
Ads for "The Reaping" ask "What hath God wrought?," but I don't think it's fair to pin this on Him. It was director Stephen Hopkins (TV's "24") and twin screenwriters Carey and Chad Hayes (the "House of Wax" remake) who wrought this goofy batch of religious-thriller hokum, starring Hilary Swank as a Christian-turned-atheist who now globetrots using science to debunk supposed miracles. She's called to the swamps of Louisiana, where a small town has been plagued with, um, plagues. The biblical kind, first with the river of blood, then with the frogs, the maggots, the lice, and so forth. The rustic locals blame it on a 12-year-old girl whom they think is Satan's spawn, and when you see her menstrual blood cause the river to turn sanguinary, you will know the truth: You're watching a really silly movie. Hopkins hits most of the horror clichés, including the stormy weather that causes windows to fly open in an alarming fashion, with plenty of elements half-heartedly ripped off from "The Omen" and "The Exorcist," too. Films like this are usually either stupid or scary, and this one falls more on the stupid side.
Are We Done Yet?
The one positive thing I can say about "Are We There Yet?," the 2005 family comedy in which Ice Cube is harassed by bratty kids, is that it came out in 2005 and I haven't had to think about it since then. It exists only in the past, where it can't hu...
Firehouse Dog
"Firehouse Dog" is a mess, but it's a good-natured mess. It's about a boy and his dog, and also about firefighters, and so I don't see how it's possible not to have warm feelings toward it. Kids? Dogs? Heroes? This movie was custom-made to make my mo...
Black Book (Dutch; German)
What if Paul Verhoeven, director of tawdry fare such as "Basic Instinct" and "Showgirls," had made "Schindler's List"? It sounds like the premise of a "Saturday Night Live" sketch, but Verhoeven has beaten them to it. He has made a film called "Black...
Live Free or Die
In the small, quiet towns of New Hampshire, there's not much a fellow can do to make a name for himself. John Rudgate knows this, but he doesn't care. He wants people to remember him even if everything they remember is a lie.
"Live Free or Die," N...
Meet the Robinsons
Disney's animated feature "Meet the Robinsons" gets off to a shaky start, and then it blasts ahead into The Future, where things get funnier, loopier, more surreal, and more interesting. It begins in the present, where a 12-year-old budding inventor named Lewis lives at an orphanage and has all but given up on being adopted. Then he's visited by Wilbur Robinson, a kid from the future who brings Lewis via time machine to his house. Lewis meets the insane Robinson clan, and acts to thwart the Bowler Hat Guy, a sinister, mustache-twirling villain who has evil designs but who is gloriously incompetent. The computer animation is sunny and vibrant (and shown in 3-D in some theaters!), and the clever time-travel paradoxes and third-act surprises -- coupled with the solid, often bizarre laughs that commence around the 30-minute mark -- should make the film an enjoyable lark for all ages.
Blades of Glory
Sometimes Will Ferrell's antics can elevate average material to the level of brilliance (see "Anchorman"); sometimes there's only so much that even a comedic workhorse like Ferrell can do. "Blades of Glory," about two rival figure skaters who team up so they can get back into competition, falls under the latter category. Ferrell plays sex-addicted skating bad boy Chazz Michael Michaels as a self-important idiot (a favorite type for Ferrell) and offers his usual mix of physical awkwardness and verbal non-sequiturs. Unfortunately, he's paired with Jon "Napoleon Dynamite" Heder as the clean-cut, non-threatening Jimmy MacElroy, and Heder simply lacks the skills to be a good straightman, or even a good actor. All of his set-ups for Ferrell's punch lines sound exactly like set-ups, read in an over-earnest way by an actor out of his depth. The film is modestly entertaining, but it would have been much funnier if Ferrell had had a more qualified partner to work with.
The Lookout
The phrase "quiet and contemplative" is not often used to describe bank-heist movies, but "The Lookout" is not an ordinary bank-heist movie. In fact, its misleading advertisements to the contrary, it's not really a bank-heist movie at all. It's a cha...
The Hills Have Eyes II
Huh. I said in my review of last year's "The Hills Have Eyes" that among its problems was that its characters were too likable and genuine, making it almost unendurable to watch them tortured and slaughtered later in the film. Now the sequel has reme...
Reign Over Me
Charlie Fineman totally shut down after his wife and kids were killed on 9/11. He now spends his days living as a hermit in his New York City apartment and playing video games nonstop. Why video games? Because it allows him to fight monsters -- but t...
Shooter
If I've got it straight, here's what happens in "Shooter." The government asks an expert marksman to come up with a what-if scenario for shooting the president from more than a mile away. Then someone tries to do just that, and they pin it on the mar...
Pride
Sure, there's a new based-on-a-true-story inspiring sports drama released every couple weeks. But how often are they about African American athletes who face racism as they try to prove themselves? About half the time? Oh. Well, how often are they ab...
The Last Mimzy
"The Last Mimzy" is science-fiction for kids, which means a couple things. First, I suspect a lot of it will go over some children's heads. Second, since it's a kids' movie, it's OK that the conflicts are resolved easily and that the young protagonis...
TMNT
It is my opinion that "TMNT" is as good a movie about teenage mutant ninja turtles as there can possibly be. The protagonists are mutated turtles who have learned martial arts, have grown to the size of adult humans, and have learned English. I reall...
First Snow
"This road you're on, you put yourself on this road." It's a pretty obvious metaphor, considering the speaker is driving a car when he says it, but it works as a summary of the central theme of "First Snow." Here's a film that takes a silly premise -...
